A good-bye, maybe...

As I sit home this fine, hot Saturday evening, I realize that I'm bored out of my head. Not a bad bored, but a restless bored. But then, it seems I'm just not worthy of consideration by some people. Not that I need people to have fun. But an idea or something that I haven't considered is nice to have, that's why I look forward to being around those I call 'friend'.

Friend. That's a bitter word for me right now. I have those I still consider 'friend' but I'm really starting to doubt that they still consider me that. I want people, friends, who want to see me, to call me because they can. But I think that it's at the point that the only way I get contacted is because they feel that they need to because I say something about it, such as here. If that's the case, save yourself the minutes and battery power.

I'm not innocent and never say that I am. I'm to blame for lack of communications, but that's been established a few posts ago. I've gotten what I need sorted out all sorts of sorted. However, why is it that the calls and texts slowly trickled to nothing? Did I do or say something? Was it something I did? How the fuck am I supposed to know if communication has died?

But it doesn't matter. Maybe it really is time to move on to new people. I wish it wasn't and I hope it isn't. These people are such a lifeline for me, or they have been. I just don't know anymore. Maybe they made a choice for me that I wasn't willing to make myself. Maybe they've had enough, for whatever reason, of The Hubby and cut us both off since I wouldn't pick them over him. If that's the case, then I never needed them in my life to begin with. If you can't accept the man I've made a deep commitment with, not a few week fling, then fuck you.

Don't call me because you read this and feel that now you have to because I've said something. Don't call me out of concern all the sudden either, that'll just piss me off. I'm so used to no calls or not calling when you've said you would. I'm used to being brushed aside at this point.

So now I'm just going to sort out my life more than I thought I would. I'm sorry I'm not cool or worthy or a consideration anymore. I'll just hang with the others who've been treated the same. I don't need to mention names, I'm sure you know who they are.