OK, first off. Remember that shit I was flushing? Needed a plunger apparently.
So. Happy fucking Pride to all those fags and dyke's reading this in St. Louis. This year has been better than last year since The Fence didn't return. However, in going 'green' the Pride Committee burned the vendors. No vendor apps snail mailed out and a late snail mailing of the on-line application notification. Long story that ends with late fees not being waved since the PR and Marketing Pride did sucked. So, half the vendors at best. Dumbasses, but it's St. Louis.
Also. It's fucking hot and this fat fag is staying inside in the AC like a spoiled bitch! The Christians showed back up with their 'free' water, free equals you getting a paper explaining how they can help 'pray the gay away'. Whatever. I really hate those people. Not for protesting, I support that constitutional rights but for being hypocrites and anti-Christs.
Jesus would march with the fags.
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So besides all that bulldren, your wonderful Irate Wiccan Faggot had something happen last night that made me stop in my tracks and move me to speechlessness. Tis a rare thing for me.
So, as most people know, I'm in an open relationship with my kickass Hubby. He's Bi and that's what originally opened it up, since I just can't provide for him in all ways, sexually speaking. As long as nothing gets brought home and he don't get women pregnant, then I'm cool. However, permission must be asked. So it isn't a free-for-all.
So to go with that, I've been pursuing a guy for a while, longer than I usually do or would. Reason being is that he stirs the same intense feelings in me that Hubby did and still does. I couldn't ignore that. And I firmly believe that you can love more than one person, intimately, at once.
So, I haven't seen this guy in a while, I know he's got a life and his own shit to flush. There's some stuff to this that I just won't post or blog about out of respect to him, things he's got going on and personal drek. Yet, I got to see him last night, which was nice. I do consider him a friend and it's always nice to see friends. And we've been in the other's orbit for a while. Not moving close but not moving away either. Feelings seem/are mutual, it's just that I don't know how much. I'm getting to the 'why' that people are asking themselves.
So here's the kicker, he's into BDSM and wears a collar. If you know what that means, cool. If not, don't assume shit and move on. Frakkin' cunts.
So, last night. Yeah...last night. OK.
He tells me that he's been 'freed' by his handlers and is a "free agent". I was surprised, I know all about what he's into and how committed he is to it. It's safe, sane and consensual. I support it, it makes him happy. Only fair. So anyway. He does something that stops me cold, something I've never seen him do, nor expected I'd ever see. He takes off his collar. Mind you, in the two years I've known him, he has never done this, never. I've always seen him with it on!
This shock was followed by a bigger one. He hands me the collar.
Now, my first thought is that he's gonna tell me to put it on. Fine. I'm cool with that and so's the Hubby. We've talked about several possibilities concerning this guy. All is cool. However, I'm not asked to put it on. Instead, he tells me to "hold it and return it to me when you're ready".
I told him not to give me such a basic instruction like that, I need details. I'm an OCD detail whore. I'm not good with vague. Never have been, it's the easiest way to loose me when trying to explain anything.
He then tells me to "return it when you're ready to claim me".
O_o
WHAT?!?! Seriously?!
I couldn't respond to that, didn't know how to! I had to talk with my fag hag, who's a Dominatrix. She explained a lot and helped.
See, here's the thing. I'm just now starting to realize all the things I'm into, sexually. I'm just starting to get the courage to explore these kinks. In other words, I got no XP! And here I am getting thrown into a scene without a net!
When I recovered enough for words, I told him that he's gonna have to explain things to me first. Crash course, oh it's coming. And what scares me is not the scene, I'm cool with it. What scares me is the lack of XP and that I might like it.
And that's a really big thing, especially in Puritan Middle America. You're taught, directly or indirectly, that you should be ashamed of your sexuality. I've been fighting that bulldrek program for years. And I get that now is another chance to do more deletions, but it's still scary.
But I don't shrink from a challenge. I'm gonna go into this full force, mistakes be damned. I'm gonna learn. I will do my best not to be embarrassed or shy about it. As long as it's safe, sane and consensual. Now I just gotta talk to the Hubby when he gets home from his trip to Rochester, NY.
Fun.
