Change of mind...

So, as you all know, I'm in the position of collaring someone I've been chasing after for 2 years. Well a friend, who's a Dom Transman, gave me his two cents. What he had to say put some doubt in my mind, and it seems a healthy amount. No doubt can be dangerous. And I will say that I won't list those on here, nor all the details of this collaring business. I may be a lot of things, but to just blatantly throw out personal shit on someone isn't one of them...unless they are my enemy, then it's a no rules game of war.

Evil cunt, I know.

Well, with this new sense of doubt, I asked another friend, a Dom Lesbian, to give me her blunt opinion. And she voiced a similar concern. She also voiced a moral one based on our Pagan beliefs and I found that I can't argue with that, considering the finer details of all this. And as much as I discard morals and ethics in most cases, I can't in this one. My conscience won't let me.

That damn thing gets in the way sometimes.

But this isn't one of those times. And I can't go and have someone I want, who is basically offering themselves to me, and have this moral issue nagging at me. The Wiccan Rede states "Do as you will, yet harm none." And if I go through with this, there's too great a risk someone involved will be harmed. I can't allow that to happen. For what few/little morals and ethics I do have, I can't violate that tenant.

My feelings may be deep for this guy, but that can't blind me to do what is right. I don't love him, at least I don't think so. I have deep feelings, to be sure. But this isn't love, much as I'd like it to be. And I can't allow my wants and desires to hurt anyone.

So I can't collar him. And, Gods, I want to. But I can't. And it is so fucking weird. I finally have what I want in my hands, but now I have to let it go. I waited two years only to find that, in the end, my morals and ethics won't allow it to happen.

And as much as this hurts and as much as I want to cry, scream, throw and break something, it is the right thing to do. And at least I'll be at peace that I did what was right by me. And that matters most to me. It'll hurt. It'll take a minute to get over it. But it's right. I just wish that circumstances had turned out differently.