Why the fuck do people believe FOX "NEWS"? They have continually shown the ability to twist the truth into a total lie and sell it, then to turn around and wonder why people believed that lie when they get caught or the story they 'broke' is just well edited bullshit.
The story on Shirley Sharrod was nothing more than a well thought out and executed attack on the NAACP for calling out the racism in the Tea Party. She is a victim of political bullshit! And why did it work so well as to fool the NAACP? Because in this country, in this day and age, we still want to dog out a black woman because it's easy to do. That's why people are still saying they can't wait to see the 'real' Michelle Obama. What is the 'real' they are referring to? The ghetto queen we've all seen on TV, that's who! I am sick of how black women are the eternal source of media ratings and sensationalism because we as Americans don't seem to value them as people, just as entertainment. That is fucking crap!
This fucking cunt Andrew Breitbart needs to be brought up on slander charges for one and admit he's a fucking liar secondly. This jackass may not be a racist, but he is a conservative waste of DNA who lies to get his views out on a national scale. Even a fucking FOX "NEWS" non-journalist said he isn't credible! If a FOX non-journalist says not to this clown, shouldn't you?
FOX "NEWS" has ruined a Presidential election, brought down an organization that helped minorities (and got them registered to vote, no wonder the Repuklicunts wanted it de-funded) and now they've ruined the life of a woman just to get back to the NAACP! They seem to be on a mission from Rupert Murdoch, an Australian, to keep the fires of racism in AmeriKKKa burning bright. This fuck seems so damn determined to bring back 'Separate but Equal', segregation and Jim Crow and I want to know why! FOX needs to be shut down for all the shit they spew.
What scares me and worries me more than anything are the dumb shitfuckcunts who believe everything coming from FOX "NEWS" and its shows! I do not get how they can stand by a network who so transparently went from attacking a woman based on very little information, that was never seemingly investigated on even an elementary level, to going 180 and wondering why everyone jumped the gun on a story that wasn't investigated in the first place! Un-fucking-believable!!!
I could go on, but it's clear that I'd just start repeating myself.
Let me say this to all the black folk out there;
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that white people seem to still have a knee jerk reaction to you. I'm sorry that the vocal minority won't shut up and that the silent majority won't speak up and show you that not all white people are negrophobic. I, however, don't assume that a black person dressed a certain way is a thug or criminal. I don't assume that a black woman is a ghetto queen or ready to be loud and fight. I am not my parents.
I am sorry about the white people who steal from you all the time. And not material things, but cultural. Rap, hip-hop, rock n' roll, R&B. I'm sorry that white people don't have a rich enough culture or heritage to feel secure in. It seems that the only culture and heritage we have to inherit is one filled with blood, genocide, slavery, rape and the total extermination of cultures and societies. And from this, white people assume privilege and superiority because we've historically forced ourselves to be on top of everything.
Yet at the same time, white people try and be black. From stealing music styles, to slang to whatever they can. All falling back on the fact that white people don't have a significant enough heritage or culture to rely on. Why? Because white people have destroyed cultures, religions, languages and societies and thus have killed their own.
I'm not one of these fucking cunts. And I never will be. I reject my privilege, it does nothing but set me up for failure to be a decent person who thinks. I reject all the bullshit I was brought up with. My skin tone doesn't make me better then anyone.
Fuck FOX "NEWS". Fuck Andrew Breitbart. Fuck white privilege. Fuck racism.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Comment on comments 2
OK. So there's this anonymous person who's authoring the most informative comments on recent blog posts of mine. At first, I thought that they had nothing to do with my blog. Not so much anymore. I think that whoever is posting these comments are trying to get points across to me about how they see me. It's cool.
Angst? I can give you that one. If you worked in the dehumanizing environment I did, you'd be full of angst too. And I know most jobs come across as that or that's how we see them, I do. However, trust me when I say that where I work takes the cake and gold star in dehumanizing their employees.
Autistic? Part of me wants to throw out a fuck you, but I won't. I feel that this one was thrown around in the same manner as people throw around "retard" or "retarded". However, that doesn't mean that it intentionally was. So I'll give you a free pass.
I will say that there's the possibility I could be autistic. Autism is a spectrum of "disorders", so ADD and ADHD could easily fall under it. I bring that up because my Hubby has ADD, so does that make him autistic? May explain some thing if it was true. Or that person we all know who sits in front of the computer with all their free time doing nothing with their life but playing an MMORPG? World of Warcraft and Everquest come to mind. I know a few folks like this, but most of them don't come across as autistic, just Gamers. There are exceptions. I'm sure some shrink would label that lifestyle as a symptom of Asperger's. I'm willing to bet a vast majority of people could fall under the spectrum of autism, considering that our 'society' is so focused and obsessed with labels and 'disorders'.
However, until I am officially checked out by a 'professional', I'll just take these comments under advisement and as a form of entertaining education on things I didn't know about. So keep 'em coming Anonymous, this is fun! However, I sure do wish that you'd leave your name so I can thank you properly. It's only fair, polite and respectful. Though, if you don't, I'm cool with that too. Haven't had a stalker in a while. I do enjoy the attention. Smooches!
Angst? I can give you that one. If you worked in the dehumanizing environment I did, you'd be full of angst too. And I know most jobs come across as that or that's how we see them, I do. However, trust me when I say that where I work takes the cake and gold star in dehumanizing their employees.
Autistic? Part of me wants to throw out a fuck you, but I won't. I feel that this one was thrown around in the same manner as people throw around "retard" or "retarded". However, that doesn't mean that it intentionally was. So I'll give you a free pass.
I will say that there's the possibility I could be autistic. Autism is a spectrum of "disorders", so ADD and ADHD could easily fall under it. I bring that up because my Hubby has ADD, so does that make him autistic? May explain some thing if it was true. Or that person we all know who sits in front of the computer with all their free time doing nothing with their life but playing an MMORPG? World of Warcraft and Everquest come to mind. I know a few folks like this, but most of them don't come across as autistic, just Gamers. There are exceptions. I'm sure some shrink would label that lifestyle as a symptom of Asperger's. I'm willing to bet a vast majority of people could fall under the spectrum of autism, considering that our 'society' is so focused and obsessed with labels and 'disorders'.
However, until I am officially checked out by a 'professional', I'll just take these comments under advisement and as a form of entertaining education on things I didn't know about. So keep 'em coming Anonymous, this is fun! However, I sure do wish that you'd leave your name so I can thank you properly. It's only fair, polite and respectful. Though, if you don't, I'm cool with that too. Haven't had a stalker in a while. I do enjoy the attention. Smooches!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A good-bye, maybe...
As I sit home this fine, hot Saturday evening, I realize that I'm bored out of my head. Not a bad bored, but a restless bored. But then, it seems I'm just not worthy of consideration by some people. Not that I need people to have fun. But an idea or something that I haven't considered is nice to have, that's why I look forward to being around those I call 'friend'.
Friend. That's a bitter word for me right now. I have those I still consider 'friend' but I'm really starting to doubt that they still consider me that. I want people, friends, who want to see me, to call me because they can. But I think that it's at the point that the only way I get contacted is because they feel that they need to because I say something about it, such as here. If that's the case, save yourself the minutes and battery power.
I'm not innocent and never say that I am. I'm to blame for lack of communications, but that's been established a few posts ago. I've gotten what I need sorted out all sorts of sorted. However, why is it that the calls and texts slowly trickled to nothing? Did I do or say something? Was it something I did? How the fuck am I supposed to know if communication has died?
But it doesn't matter. Maybe it really is time to move on to new people. I wish it wasn't and I hope it isn't. These people are such a lifeline for me, or they have been. I just don't know anymore. Maybe they made a choice for me that I wasn't willing to make myself. Maybe they've had enough, for whatever reason, of The Hubby and cut us both off since I wouldn't pick them over him. If that's the case, then I never needed them in my life to begin with. If you can't accept the man I've made a deep commitment with, not a few week fling, then fuck you.
Don't call me because you read this and feel that now you have to because I've said something. Don't call me out of concern all the sudden either, that'll just piss me off. I'm so used to no calls or not calling when you've said you would. I'm used to being brushed aside at this point.
So now I'm just going to sort out my life more than I thought I would. I'm sorry I'm not cool or worthy or a consideration anymore. I'll just hang with the others who've been treated the same. I don't need to mention names, I'm sure you know who they are.
Friend. That's a bitter word for me right now. I have those I still consider 'friend' but I'm really starting to doubt that they still consider me that. I want people, friends, who want to see me, to call me because they can. But I think that it's at the point that the only way I get contacted is because they feel that they need to because I say something about it, such as here. If that's the case, save yourself the minutes and battery power.
I'm not innocent and never say that I am. I'm to blame for lack of communications, but that's been established a few posts ago. I've gotten what I need sorted out all sorts of sorted. However, why is it that the calls and texts slowly trickled to nothing? Did I do or say something? Was it something I did? How the fuck am I supposed to know if communication has died?
But it doesn't matter. Maybe it really is time to move on to new people. I wish it wasn't and I hope it isn't. These people are such a lifeline for me, or they have been. I just don't know anymore. Maybe they made a choice for me that I wasn't willing to make myself. Maybe they've had enough, for whatever reason, of The Hubby and cut us both off since I wouldn't pick them over him. If that's the case, then I never needed them in my life to begin with. If you can't accept the man I've made a deep commitment with, not a few week fling, then fuck you.
Don't call me because you read this and feel that now you have to because I've said something. Don't call me out of concern all the sudden either, that'll just piss me off. I'm so used to no calls or not calling when you've said you would. I'm used to being brushed aside at this point.
So now I'm just going to sort out my life more than I thought I would. I'm sorry I'm not cool or worthy or a consideration anymore. I'll just hang with the others who've been treated the same. I don't need to mention names, I'm sure you know who they are.
Comment on comments
I'd like to say that the one thing that really pisses me off about people leaving comments is the ability to do so anonymously. Frankly, that's a cowards way out. If you're not on Blogger, then if you wanna leave a comment, leave your name. I don't care if it's good or bad, I'd just like to know who likes me or hates me.
I will say that I may not allow it to be posted, since I review them all. Like this one I just got saying a basic good-bye and hoping we never cross paths again and that I get to keep the 'retard'. What the fuck?! That last word, retard, that is why I didn't allow it to go up. I don't know who your cowardly ass was referring to, but I hope it wasn't who I think it is. Also, my dear Uncle Ricky, who died almost four years ago, was mentally "retarded". I do not take kindly to that word being used to describe anyone or anything as either stupid or useless. If that's the language you want to use, so be it. However, I don't have to support it or allow it on my blog. And it speaks volumes about you, you fucking shitfuckcunt!
I will say that I may not allow it to be posted, since I review them all. Like this one I just got saying a basic good-bye and hoping we never cross paths again and that I get to keep the 'retard'. What the fuck?! That last word, retard, that is why I didn't allow it to go up. I don't know who your cowardly ass was referring to, but I hope it wasn't who I think it is. Also, my dear Uncle Ricky, who died almost four years ago, was mentally "retarded". I do not take kindly to that word being used to describe anyone or anything as either stupid or useless. If that's the language you want to use, so be it. However, I don't have to support it or allow it on my blog. And it speaks volumes about you, you fucking shitfuckcunt!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
After effect
Ya know something? Ranting is a wonderful thing. What sucks about it, for me anyway, is that once I get it all out, I feel shitty. There's space there for depression to kick in. Guess it's the balance working itself out. Still though, it sucks.
I feel better and justified once I rant, or have a really good blog that makes a point. But then I get depressed for a few days. I don't mind it, I'm used to it. I just would like to not feel bad once I'm done. However, getting all that anger and stress out is worth it.
Now, once The Hubby and I get groceries done with, we're gonna go to a local Sculpture Park and I'm gonna pound out my depression on the trail there that goes back into the woods. If that doesn't work, there's a nice 2-3 mile trail around a lake not too far from there. It'll take me about an hour or two, but I'm sure I can fully pound out my depression.
I'd fuck it out, but having a cold sore on the inside of your mouth suck major ass! Love my man, wanna fuck til our brains fall out, but I ain't giving him genital herpes. So a walking I will go.
...damn herpes...
I feel better and justified once I rant, or have a really good blog that makes a point. But then I get depressed for a few days. I don't mind it, I'm used to it. I just would like to not feel bad once I'm done. However, getting all that anger and stress out is worth it.
Now, once The Hubby and I get groceries done with, we're gonna go to a local Sculpture Park and I'm gonna pound out my depression on the trail there that goes back into the woods. If that doesn't work, there's a nice 2-3 mile trail around a lake not too far from there. It'll take me about an hour or two, but I'm sure I can fully pound out my depression.
I'd fuck it out, but having a cold sore on the inside of your mouth suck major ass! Love my man, wanna fuck til our brains fall out, but I ain't giving him genital herpes. So a walking I will go.
...damn herpes...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Fuck you
OK, this one's been building. It started as just directionless stress and pisstivity, but then I got something to focus it on and then the valves turned and opened.
I can't fucking stand stupid little shitfuckcunts who act as if they are better than you. I got this friend who is of the opinion that my blog is bullshit. Plain and simple. That this is some lie or falsehood that I put out to make people think something is true when it isn't. Fuck that. I've always said that my blog postings are my way to vent out what builds up. This is a fucking place for me to let go, no limits or restraints. No holding back. This is the best form of therapy. It's cathartic. It's my Temple, in a way. A place for me to balance out the shitty and the good.
Guess some folks just can't handle that.
I had posted on Facebook that I wanted to rant on here, but had no inspiration. So, this friend takes this to mean that this is all bullshit. Really? Like you've never been mad, but had nothing to focus it on just to get it out? Yeah, cuz you're somehow fucking perfect like that. Fuck you!
I can't stand when people have to have this opinion of themselves that they are somehow better than someone and that they are always right because of it. I know for a fucking fact that I'm not better than anyone. Sure, I consider myself more evolved, but not better. I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. The difference is that I know it, acknowledge it and say it out loud for people to hear it. Or read it in this case.
And this friend has this opinion that she's better, in some way or another, and that she's always right about it. When in reality, she's no better than the people she looks down at. Hell, most times, she's worse. She's the ultimate hoosier, but I don't think she sees it that way. She acts like a wild woman at times but then can turn around and talk shit about someone because of a fault of theirs.
You think this is fake and bullshit? Fine. Fuck you. I think you think too highly of yourself and should be brought down a few levels. Til then, kiss my ass and fuck off.
I gotta get some more shit out. You knew it was gonna happen.
So, today I posted on my Facebook wall: "...has come to the conclusion I'm no longer wanted. Not by my Hubby, but by others in my life, friends and those I'm cool with. I'm cool with that. Just gotta find new people is all. Taking time away to get my own backyard in order backfired it seems. Guess people forget you after a while."
I've kinda became a hermit due to the fact that I had shit to take care of. A lot of personal stuff to sort out and get myself and my life in order. Yeah, not happy about it but it needed to get done. In that time, I haven't seen my friends all that much. It sucks. But still, it had to be done.
So now, I'm wanting to get out more, so I don't get into a lifestyle of being a hermit. Don't like sitting around not doing anything. Never have. But in all the time I've been in Hermit Mode, I've still stayed in contact with people. However, the reverse isn't always true. And here today on Facebook, I see friends planning stuff and I'm not called. So I got pissed, felt hurt and felt slightly depressed.
I get friends will do stuff that doesn't include everyone. That's how it works. But for some reason, I just felt like nothing to these people. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been absent a lot. Who knows? But I still felt ignored. I'd like to think that's valid.
Here's the thing. Even a call to see if I can make it is nice and, in my opinion, respectful. I admit I have a real bad habit of not calling people or calling them back. But there's e-mail and Facebook. E-mail is a sticking point for me cuz some friends seem to have this habit of sending out ideas for stuff to do on the day they want to do it. I don't check my e-mail at work since I don't have access to the net or my own computer to use. When I end up getting home, it's too late. This usually happens on Friday's. There's no prior notice or even a text on my phone to give me an alternative heads up. So more times than not, how can I go out? If I don't think there's plans, I'll make my own with someone else or The Hubby. Can you really blame me?
So I've been a hermit. How does that equate to me becoming ignored? Well, if that's the case, I guess it's time to find new people. Sorry I'm not there every weekend. Sorry I'm not available all the time. And I'm sorry that no one can seem to contact The Hubby when plans are coming together.
That's another thing.
My friends don't seem too thrilled about my man. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of people always coming down on him and then wondering why he doesn't come around.
Sure, I got issues with people that friends date, but if they are happy with them, so be it. I have to live with it and make the best of it. There are times that you have to step in and make your opinion known. It happens. Otherwise, deal with it.
I'm sorry you don't like, or can't stand, the person I want to be with. He makes me happy and fulfills me in a way no one else has. He's annoying at times. He can push my buttons. But he is the ONLY one who can make me laugh at ANY time. No matter my mood. I value that like nothing else. I love him and have worked for 10 years to have a stable, happy and loving relationship with him. It's been rough, hard and tiresome. But we've done it. I look forward to going to bed with him and waking up in the morning and seeing him.
Ten fucking years together! That's longer than most celeBRATies relationships...or careers. And there are times I don't think that my friends respect that. That what we have isn't worth their respect due to their feelings toward my man. Sorry he annoys you and that he bothers you or does something you don't like. Fucking grow a backbone and deal with it! Stand the hell up and talk to him about it instead of coming to me about it and expecting me to deal with it all the fucking time!!!
Ya know, this job in Rochester looks better and better. New place, new friends. Maybe they won't be a bunch of cuntass bitchy fuckin' assholes. If you haven't noticed, I'm sick of it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting called anymore. Or why I don't call or come around as much. Yeah, had my shit to get together, but there may be other motivations under the surface.
I can't do this anymore. If you have issues with The Hubby, call him. I know you got his number. Stand up, deal with it. Or stay seated and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Either way, the ball is in your court. It's all on you to do something. If you don't, then it's apparent that you enjoy the stress/drama of the situation.
I'm fucking done with the stupid shit. I'm done with people. I'm done with shitfuckcunts who wear masks all the time. I'm done trying to figure out what it is I did (blame my Mom for that one). I'm done being a doormat or that idiot loser who waits by the phone. I'm just fucking done with it all.
Stand up, speak out/up and do something about it. Or just stay fucking seated, shut the fucking hell up and learn to either deal with it or move the hell out of my life. I'm not going to have my relationship strained or damaged because you are too weak willed or non-confrontational. If my relationship is going to be damaged in any way, then I'm the one who's gonna be doing the fucking damage!
Fucking shitfuckcunt assholes. I'm sick of this bullshit stress...
I can't fucking stand stupid little shitfuckcunts who act as if they are better than you. I got this friend who is of the opinion that my blog is bullshit. Plain and simple. That this is some lie or falsehood that I put out to make people think something is true when it isn't. Fuck that. I've always said that my blog postings are my way to vent out what builds up. This is a fucking place for me to let go, no limits or restraints. No holding back. This is the best form of therapy. It's cathartic. It's my Temple, in a way. A place for me to balance out the shitty and the good.
Guess some folks just can't handle that.
I had posted on Facebook that I wanted to rant on here, but had no inspiration. So, this friend takes this to mean that this is all bullshit. Really? Like you've never been mad, but had nothing to focus it on just to get it out? Yeah, cuz you're somehow fucking perfect like that. Fuck you!
I can't stand when people have to have this opinion of themselves that they are somehow better than someone and that they are always right because of it. I know for a fucking fact that I'm not better than anyone. Sure, I consider myself more evolved, but not better. I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. The difference is that I know it, acknowledge it and say it out loud for people to hear it. Or read it in this case.
And this friend has this opinion that she's better, in some way or another, and that she's always right about it. When in reality, she's no better than the people she looks down at. Hell, most times, she's worse. She's the ultimate hoosier, but I don't think she sees it that way. She acts like a wild woman at times but then can turn around and talk shit about someone because of a fault of theirs.
You think this is fake and bullshit? Fine. Fuck you. I think you think too highly of yourself and should be brought down a few levels. Til then, kiss my ass and fuck off.
I gotta get some more shit out. You knew it was gonna happen.
So, today I posted on my Facebook wall: "...has come to the conclusion I'm no longer wanted. Not by my Hubby, but by others in my life, friends and those I'm cool with. I'm cool with that. Just gotta find new people is all. Taking time away to get my own backyard in order backfired it seems. Guess people forget you after a while."
I've kinda became a hermit due to the fact that I had shit to take care of. A lot of personal stuff to sort out and get myself and my life in order. Yeah, not happy about it but it needed to get done. In that time, I haven't seen my friends all that much. It sucks. But still, it had to be done.
So now, I'm wanting to get out more, so I don't get into a lifestyle of being a hermit. Don't like sitting around not doing anything. Never have. But in all the time I've been in Hermit Mode, I've still stayed in contact with people. However, the reverse isn't always true. And here today on Facebook, I see friends planning stuff and I'm not called. So I got pissed, felt hurt and felt slightly depressed.
I get friends will do stuff that doesn't include everyone. That's how it works. But for some reason, I just felt like nothing to these people. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been absent a lot. Who knows? But I still felt ignored. I'd like to think that's valid.
Here's the thing. Even a call to see if I can make it is nice and, in my opinion, respectful. I admit I have a real bad habit of not calling people or calling them back. But there's e-mail and Facebook. E-mail is a sticking point for me cuz some friends seem to have this habit of sending out ideas for stuff to do on the day they want to do it. I don't check my e-mail at work since I don't have access to the net or my own computer to use. When I end up getting home, it's too late. This usually happens on Friday's. There's no prior notice or even a text on my phone to give me an alternative heads up. So more times than not, how can I go out? If I don't think there's plans, I'll make my own with someone else or The Hubby. Can you really blame me?
So I've been a hermit. How does that equate to me becoming ignored? Well, if that's the case, I guess it's time to find new people. Sorry I'm not there every weekend. Sorry I'm not available all the time. And I'm sorry that no one can seem to contact The Hubby when plans are coming together.
That's another thing.
My friends don't seem too thrilled about my man. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of people always coming down on him and then wondering why he doesn't come around.
Sure, I got issues with people that friends date, but if they are happy with them, so be it. I have to live with it and make the best of it. There are times that you have to step in and make your opinion known. It happens. Otherwise, deal with it.
I'm sorry you don't like, or can't stand, the person I want to be with. He makes me happy and fulfills me in a way no one else has. He's annoying at times. He can push my buttons. But he is the ONLY one who can make me laugh at ANY time. No matter my mood. I value that like nothing else. I love him and have worked for 10 years to have a stable, happy and loving relationship with him. It's been rough, hard and tiresome. But we've done it. I look forward to going to bed with him and waking up in the morning and seeing him.
Ten fucking years together! That's longer than most celeBRATies relationships...or careers. And there are times I don't think that my friends respect that. That what we have isn't worth their respect due to their feelings toward my man. Sorry he annoys you and that he bothers you or does something you don't like. Fucking grow a backbone and deal with it! Stand the hell up and talk to him about it instead of coming to me about it and expecting me to deal with it all the fucking time!!!
Ya know, this job in Rochester looks better and better. New place, new friends. Maybe they won't be a bunch of cuntass bitchy fuckin' assholes. If you haven't noticed, I'm sick of it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting called anymore. Or why I don't call or come around as much. Yeah, had my shit to get together, but there may be other motivations under the surface.
I can't do this anymore. If you have issues with The Hubby, call him. I know you got his number. Stand up, deal with it. Or stay seated and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Either way, the ball is in your court. It's all on you to do something. If you don't, then it's apparent that you enjoy the stress/drama of the situation.
I'm fucking done with the stupid shit. I'm done with people. I'm done with shitfuckcunts who wear masks all the time. I'm done trying to figure out what it is I did (blame my Mom for that one). I'm done being a doormat or that idiot loser who waits by the phone. I'm just fucking done with it all.
Stand up, speak out/up and do something about it. Or just stay fucking seated, shut the fucking hell up and learn to either deal with it or move the hell out of my life. I'm not going to have my relationship strained or damaged because you are too weak willed or non-confrontational. If my relationship is going to be damaged in any way, then I'm the one who's gonna be doing the fucking damage!
Fucking shitfuckcunt assholes. I'm sick of this bullshit stress...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
It's coming
I've got a fucking rant building. Be ready you cunts, I'm close.
...it's just like sex...
...it's just like sex...
Monday, July 5, 2010
Change of mind...
So, as you all know, I'm in the position of collaring someone I've been chasing after for 2 years. Well a friend, who's a Dom Transman, gave me his two cents. What he had to say put some doubt in my mind, and it seems a healthy amount. No doubt can be dangerous. And I will say that I won't list those on here, nor all the details of this collaring business. I may be a lot of things, but to just blatantly throw out personal shit on someone isn't one of them...unless they are my enemy, then it's a no rules game of war.
Evil cunt, I know.
Well, with this new sense of doubt, I asked another friend, a Dom Lesbian, to give me her blunt opinion. And she voiced a similar concern. She also voiced a moral one based on our Pagan beliefs and I found that I can't argue with that, considering the finer details of all this. And as much as I discard morals and ethics in most cases, I can't in this one. My conscience won't let me.
That damn thing gets in the way sometimes.
But this isn't one of those times. And I can't go and have someone I want, who is basically offering themselves to me, and have this moral issue nagging at me. The Wiccan Rede states "Do as you will, yet harm none." And if I go through with this, there's too great a risk someone involved will be harmed. I can't allow that to happen. For what few/little morals and ethics I do have, I can't violate that tenant.
My feelings may be deep for this guy, but that can't blind me to do what is right. I don't love him, at least I don't think so. I have deep feelings, to be sure. But this isn't love, much as I'd like it to be. And I can't allow my wants and desires to hurt anyone.
So I can't collar him. And, Gods, I want to. But I can't. And it is so fucking weird. I finally have what I want in my hands, but now I have to let it go. I waited two years only to find that, in the end, my morals and ethics won't allow it to happen.
And as much as this hurts and as much as I want to cry, scream, throw and break something, it is the right thing to do. And at least I'll be at peace that I did what was right by me. And that matters most to me. It'll hurt. It'll take a minute to get over it. But it's right. I just wish that circumstances had turned out differently.
Evil cunt, I know.
Well, with this new sense of doubt, I asked another friend, a Dom Lesbian, to give me her blunt opinion. And she voiced a similar concern. She also voiced a moral one based on our Pagan beliefs and I found that I can't argue with that, considering the finer details of all this. And as much as I discard morals and ethics in most cases, I can't in this one. My conscience won't let me.
That damn thing gets in the way sometimes.
But this isn't one of those times. And I can't go and have someone I want, who is basically offering themselves to me, and have this moral issue nagging at me. The Wiccan Rede states "Do as you will, yet harm none." And if I go through with this, there's too great a risk someone involved will be harmed. I can't allow that to happen. For what few/little morals and ethics I do have, I can't violate that tenant.
My feelings may be deep for this guy, but that can't blind me to do what is right. I don't love him, at least I don't think so. I have deep feelings, to be sure. But this isn't love, much as I'd like it to be. And I can't allow my wants and desires to hurt anyone.
So I can't collar him. And, Gods, I want to. But I can't. And it is so fucking weird. I finally have what I want in my hands, but now I have to let it go. I waited two years only to find that, in the end, my morals and ethics won't allow it to happen.
And as much as this hurts and as much as I want to cry, scream, throw and break something, it is the right thing to do. And at least I'll be at peace that I did what was right by me. And that matters most to me. It'll hurt. It'll take a minute to get over it. But it's right. I just wish that circumstances had turned out differently.
My July 4th weekend
So you remember that issue from the last post? Well, the friend who wanted me to drop the other friend and I ended up dropping both? Well, the one who started it all came over Saturday night and we had it out, talk wise. No fight or anything like that. And he's now back on my list on Facebook. It was a good talk, a really good talk. All is well.
However, the best part of this weekend was that I got to go see The B-52s for free at Fair St. Louis, under The Gateway Arch and I also got free seating in the VIP section! I know, I rock. But while I was getting a drink before the show, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in about two or three years. So not only did I get to reconnect with someone, in real life, but we also got to rock out to one of the best groups ever!
The B-52s started out with 'Private Idaho' and ended with 'Rock Lobster', but when they did 'Love Shack' everyone there stood up, danced and partied! It was great and I can't wait to see them again, cuz I'm obsessed like that. Love my B's!!! They are amazing live and they are up there having fun and just doing what they love. It was also cool cuz next to where I was sitting, in the isle was a, for lack of a better term, Ska Mosh Pit. Only at a B-52 concert. Love it!
And under The Arch for free? With a wicked firework display right after they got off the stage? Was the best Fourth of July thus far!!!
However, the best part of this weekend was that I got to go see The B-52s for free at Fair St. Louis, under The Gateway Arch and I also got free seating in the VIP section! I know, I rock. But while I was getting a drink before the show, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in about two or three years. So not only did I get to reconnect with someone, in real life, but we also got to rock out to one of the best groups ever!
The B-52s started out with 'Private Idaho' and ended with 'Rock Lobster', but when they did 'Love Shack' everyone there stood up, danced and partied! It was great and I can't wait to see them again, cuz I'm obsessed like that. Love my B's!!! They are amazing live and they are up there having fun and just doing what they love. It was also cool cuz next to where I was sitting, in the isle was a, for lack of a better term, Ska Mosh Pit. Only at a B-52 concert. Love it!
And under The Arch for free? With a wicked firework display right after they got off the stage? Was the best Fourth of July thus far!!!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Pushed into a corner isn't good for your health
So while with the Hubby today, I get a call from a friend. Not that this is a unique thing, it happens. However the call I got upset me and put me into an awkward position, at the time.
This call was because this friend of mine has an issue with who my e-friends are on Facebook, one person in particular. These two have a history, to say the least. I understand wanting to cut all ties with a person, especially if it ended badly, I do. I've been there. Yet on the opposite side of the coin, I don't expect people I know to stop being cool with someone I've had dealings with and then those deals went south.
And so, this friend seemed to want me to agree to de-friend this other person. I ain't cool with that. I felt as if I was being pushed into an answer that I wasn't either wanting, ready or willing to make. And I have a rule I live by, no matter what the relationship I have with a person is. That rule is that I will not pick a side in another person's fight or disagreement. The minute someone does ask me, I pick the side that didn't ask. Why, you may ask? Because the side that didn't ask was not only being the bigger and better person, but also the true friend, provided we are friends. If not, they may have just gained one.
Well, in this instance, I couldn't do that. So I had to have an alternative and after much thinking, I figured it out. I dropped both people. I had no other, to me, reasonable choice.
Now there is drama associated with these two people. About 18 months ago, maybe even two years, there was an eruption of drama. I stayed well away from it, it ended up involving three groups of people I know who all had ties to these two. I did get pulled into it but shut that shit down faster than a Repuklicunt denying a same-sex affair before the proof gets out. And since then, all was drama free in my life. Til today.
So, yeah. Maybe not the best move in de-friending both people. However, I wasn't in the best position to make a better choice. And I don't really enjoy feeling pushed into a decision like that nor do I enjoy being asked to pick a side in another person's bulldrek. And frankly, as of right now, my faith and trust in the one doing the pseudo-asking, a.k.a. pushing for an answer, has been shaken. I'm not even sure that right now I can be around said person. And that affects/effects the friendship with at least two people.
I am very upset and hurt. If you are my friend, either in real life or in cyber space, it is not your call who I should or shouldn't be friends with. I get other people being concerned and wanting to talk. That's only fair. However, the same rules apply if you think you should try and talk me out of being cool or friends, or even e-friends, with someone due to an association or because someone you're cool with is upset. I think it's great that you have such loyalty, I do. But stay out of it. I learned a long time ago to keep out and let people work it out in whatever way is best for them. Getting involved only gets you hurt and may even cost you a valued friendship.
So now I have to see how the dust is going to settle. I got someone wanting me to call them and talk about this, who I'm sure is going to side with the friend who called me. However, I am not gonna call. I made up my mind and have set in place my decision. So as my dust settles, you all can watch and see how it plays out.
I am a 30 year old gay man who has been done with drama since I was 26. I don't need this and you most certainly don't want me to go there. If you have the problem, deal with it or don't. But do not pull me into your drama or issue because of who I choose to associate with. Let them burn me. Sure, that may open me up to an 'I told you so', but that's my choice. I'll have to live with it, not you.
Hell, there's a guy I know that several people have told me to not be cool with because of their dealings. But guess what? I'm still cool with him and he hasn't burned me. Have I been burned before? Yes. But I have this mindset to give people chances until they fuck me over, not when they fuck you over.
But, I will say that there are times when you do have to side with your friends over something. But that's in extreme cases with crazy ass people or really mean, evil cunts who are out just to fuck with as many people as they can. However, those times are so public and eruptive that it consumes everyone involved so you can't help but be part of it.
This isn't one of those times. As far as I'm concerned, it is a "he said, she said" situation because I wasn't involved nor saw what happened. And my fat faggoty ass is staying out of it. That's why I dropped both.
This call was because this friend of mine has an issue with who my e-friends are on Facebook, one person in particular. These two have a history, to say the least. I understand wanting to cut all ties with a person, especially if it ended badly, I do. I've been there. Yet on the opposite side of the coin, I don't expect people I know to stop being cool with someone I've had dealings with and then those deals went south.
And so, this friend seemed to want me to agree to de-friend this other person. I ain't cool with that. I felt as if I was being pushed into an answer that I wasn't either wanting, ready or willing to make. And I have a rule I live by, no matter what the relationship I have with a person is. That rule is that I will not pick a side in another person's fight or disagreement. The minute someone does ask me, I pick the side that didn't ask. Why, you may ask? Because the side that didn't ask was not only being the bigger and better person, but also the true friend, provided we are friends. If not, they may have just gained one.
Well, in this instance, I couldn't do that. So I had to have an alternative and after much thinking, I figured it out. I dropped both people. I had no other, to me, reasonable choice.
Now there is drama associated with these two people. About 18 months ago, maybe even two years, there was an eruption of drama. I stayed well away from it, it ended up involving three groups of people I know who all had ties to these two. I did get pulled into it but shut that shit down faster than a Repuklicunt denying a same-sex affair before the proof gets out. And since then, all was drama free in my life. Til today.
So, yeah. Maybe not the best move in de-friending both people. However, I wasn't in the best position to make a better choice. And I don't really enjoy feeling pushed into a decision like that nor do I enjoy being asked to pick a side in another person's bulldrek. And frankly, as of right now, my faith and trust in the one doing the pseudo-asking, a.k.a. pushing for an answer, has been shaken. I'm not even sure that right now I can be around said person. And that affects/effects the friendship with at least two people.
I am very upset and hurt. If you are my friend, either in real life or in cyber space, it is not your call who I should or shouldn't be friends with. I get other people being concerned and wanting to talk. That's only fair. However, the same rules apply if you think you should try and talk me out of being cool or friends, or even e-friends, with someone due to an association or because someone you're cool with is upset. I think it's great that you have such loyalty, I do. But stay out of it. I learned a long time ago to keep out and let people work it out in whatever way is best for them. Getting involved only gets you hurt and may even cost you a valued friendship.
So now I have to see how the dust is going to settle. I got someone wanting me to call them and talk about this, who I'm sure is going to side with the friend who called me. However, I am not gonna call. I made up my mind and have set in place my decision. So as my dust settles, you all can watch and see how it plays out.
I am a 30 year old gay man who has been done with drama since I was 26. I don't need this and you most certainly don't want me to go there. If you have the problem, deal with it or don't. But do not pull me into your drama or issue because of who I choose to associate with. Let them burn me. Sure, that may open me up to an 'I told you so', but that's my choice. I'll have to live with it, not you.
Hell, there's a guy I know that several people have told me to not be cool with because of their dealings. But guess what? I'm still cool with him and he hasn't burned me. Have I been burned before? Yes. But I have this mindset to give people chances until they fuck me over, not when they fuck you over.
But, I will say that there are times when you do have to side with your friends over something. But that's in extreme cases with crazy ass people or really mean, evil cunts who are out just to fuck with as many people as they can. However, those times are so public and eruptive that it consumes everyone involved so you can't help but be part of it.
This isn't one of those times. As far as I'm concerned, it is a "he said, she said" situation because I wasn't involved nor saw what happened. And my fat faggoty ass is staying out of it. That's why I dropped both.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)