This past week has been one of interesting situations and circumstances. For my own reasons, I'm actually going to keep several of these private. I may be an open book, yet some of those pages are only seen by me and those close to me. But know that I'm learning and growing from it all.
In it all, I'm learning that there's so much that I've not allowed myself to do or feel or (believe it or not) say. I've spent too many years making excuse after excuse for someone who I thought was near and dear but who turned out to be someone who was just playing me for a fool. And that's ended. I can't play the game anymore, I just can't take it emotionally or mentally.
And in all this, The Gods have been kind and gentle with me by handing me a chance and situation that I wasn't expecting. That chance and situation has rejuvenated me on so many levels that I'm not sure how far it really goes, but it was enough to push me to do what I have to do, even if I don't want to. But the Madness of Wisdom I've gotten over the last 2 years has taught me that what I want is irrelevant and what I need is what I'm going to get. The interesting part is how these needs are presented.
Needs aren't handed to you in pretty packages with bows and shiny paper. But neither are they handed over as a horrid penalty from Karma. And these needs of mine are being handed over with such care and grace that I'm forever humbled by how The Universe and my Gods are to me when I don't feel like I deserve it. The Hubby says that's why I do.
I want happiness and am being told I deserve it, so I choose to start believing that. I've also been told that I need to be a little more selfish, which I hate. Being selfish is wrong, I don't know if there's any right to it! I'm also told how I need to stop putting others before myself and my needs. Yet I'm thinking that is where the embracing of selfishness will come from. We'll see.
We'll see...
You got to go on with your life. It's all right to sit around and be
depressed for a minute, cry about it, do whatever you have to but don't
stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. You know what?
This is what I learned in all these years on this earth. If somebody
want to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO. Especially if you know that
you done everything you can do. You done sat around and been the best
man or the best woman you can be and they still want to go, let them go.
Whatever they're running after, they'll see what they had in a minute,
but by then it's gonna be too late. 'Cuz you'll sit there and you'll
go... Because half of these people, you be sitting around crying about
it, worrying about it and then two or three years from now you ain't
even gonna remember their last name. How many times you done see folks
somewhere and you be like 'What the hell was I thinking? I done been
there, I was like what was wrong with me? What was I going through? I
must have been lonely as hell to hook up with you'. Let folks go, Sonny.
Some people'll come in your life for a lifetime, and some'll come for a
season. You got to know which is which. And you're gonna always mess up
when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. They
got people that got married to people they was only supposed to be with
for a season and they wonder why they're having so much hell in their
life. That was the person that was supposed to come and teach you one
thing. You didn't know it so you just fell in love and now you wonder
why you don't have no peace anywhere you go. No, noooo! Listen, I put
everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people
are like leaves on a tree. If the wind blows, they're over here, they're
unstable. Blow the other way, they're over here. if seasons change,
they wither and die, they're gone. But that's alright, that's some
people. Most people in the world are like that. They're just there to
take from the tree, they ain't there to do nothing but take and give
shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at
people like that, that's who they are. They ain't never gonna be
nothing, that's what they put on this earth for, to be what they are: A
LEAF. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful
with them branches too because they'll fool you. They'll get there and
make you think that they're a good friend and they're real strong. But
the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and they'll leave
you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life
that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed
because they're the kind of people who ain't going nowhere. They ain't
worried about being seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you,
they ain't got to know what they're doing for you. But if those roots
weren't there, that tree couldn't live, you understand? A tree can have a
hundred million branches but only a few roots down at the bottom to
make sure it gets everything they need. I'm telling you, Sonny, when you
get you some roots, you better hold on to them because the rest of
them, you let them go. Let folks go!
Ain't nobody said it was gonna be easy, but it will get easy when you
learn how to love yourself. When you get to a point in your life where
you look at people and you go 'Okay wait a minute. You or me?', you will
make a decision. When you telling folks to do something... Now I've
never thrown nobody away, I've never in my life just thrown anybody away
saying 'Don't bother me no more, don't talk to me no more', I've never
done that. What I DO is tell them, 'Look, this thing you doing right
here is gonna cause a problem. You need to fix that because if we're
gonna be friends and gonna be cool, you need to fix that. And if you
don't, we're gonna have an issue'. If you see somebody fix it or even
trying to fix it, that's somebody that cares. Keep those people around,
that's a leaf that's trying to grow up and be something else. But if you
tell somebody 'What you're doing is hurting me and I need you to stop'
and they keep doing it, they don't care. Move on, let them go! No matter
how much it hurts, let them go. And it'll get easier, I promise you.
Every day, it'll get easier and easier and easier, you just have to make
it through. You hear me?
You see, some people just gotta learn to be by themselves. People have
to learn how to be alone. I don't understand all these people crying
about 'I need somebody. Lord, where is my man, Lord where is my woman'.
That is crazy as hell! If you don't know how to be by yourself, what you
gonna do with somebody else? Stop praying about it! SHUT UP AND WAIT!
Go work on YOU! Hell, that's what that time is for, to get YOURSELF
together! I'd rather be in a corner by myself with a puppy and a
goldfish and be happy than to be sitting around with somebody in my
house and wondering what the hell they there for. You will be surprised
with the things that people put up with just to have somebody say that
they love them. I don't understand that! I can't live in dysfunction,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I done been through too much hell and high water
to come there and let you come up in my adult life where I'm supposed to
be at peace and give me all sorts of hell. There's only two places on
earth that you're gonna have peace: the grave and your house. If you
can't walk up in your house and you ain't got no peace, then some thing's
wrong. I'm sorry. People be rebuking Satan, I'll be rebuking Satan and
beating the hell out of everything that's up in there until they get
out. 'I'm sorry, you gots to go. This is mine'.
-Madea
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