I find it interesting and slightly amazing that just a few days shy of my 33rd birthday that I'm (still) seen as weak for showing kindness and respect to those I care about the most. I don't understand how that should somehow mean that the people I love can feel they have the right to walk all over me, disregard me, treat me as a consideration at best and feel that I'm to be trifled with because somehow being kind means I won't fight back. Honey, if you think that then you've got another thing coming!
I gambled and risked my heart, was patient and kind. I made every effort I could to be the "good guy", to be the positive force in the life of someone close to me who has been through so much Hell that they don't know how to live without it. I know, I've been there. But recently, I've gotten to realize that this person treasures their wounds, keeps them open to a degree. No matter the support I give, not the amount of time and patience I've put forth has or will change that. I know this now. And in letting myself see the truth, I've spoken up. And in doing so, it seems I'm the bitch. Not usually a bad thing mind you.
I've said my peace about how I feel about the relationship and how I'm treated and that seeing someone 3, 4 or 5 times a year does not make for a lasting relationship of any kind. But getting a response of (paraphrasing) "you should know better" and "I shouldn't have to prove anything" has furthered my understanding that either I was a blind fool or that this wasn't what I thought it was. That said, I don't see how someone who claims what has been claimed can so idly brush off a concern I brought to them. If they can be so flippant about it then I guess our season has passed and I need to let go and move on.
It's funny to how suddenly I've got more than several opportunities presented to me when this situation rears its ugly head. It's a test, for sure. But I'm not going to over analyze it, I'm just going to go with the flow but keep myself guarded until the time is right to open up. No more "putting myself out there" and let people trample on my heart and feelings anymore. And in going out and letting The Multiverse take care of me that this person decides to be part of my life...well then they are going to have to prove it. Regardless of their claims to the contrary.
You wanna be part of my life, then step up and show me your as true to your word in actions as well as statements. If that's too much, see ya. I got people who want to be where you are in my life and I'm willing to give them the chance you've squandered.
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