I haven't been posting for a bit and though my activity was increasing, I stopped. It's time I let you know why.
For a while now, I was posting poems and newer, enlightened viewpoints. Part of growing and becoming more than what and who I was I guess. Hell, it seems to even have a frienamy and I conversing more! So it all is interesting and a bore at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to no longer be who I was. But there was a certain fun factor to it.
However, that said, I've also gotten to find more about me and who I am and that I can no be able to admit things to myself that I couldn't have dreamed of just a couple years ago. The main being that I've got to learn to let go and not hold a grudge forever. I'm excelled at it, but that doesn't make it a strength. I've also learned forgiveness truly is about me and not the other person. Even when I'm the one who needs forgiveness from me the most.
I'm ready for further forgiveness and admission to who and what I am and was. Blogging has become a major factor in this. To reading older posts (who was that guy?!) and comments (and related Flame Wars) to where I am now. It's all cathartic. And WAY cheaper than a therapist. Besides, once you break a therapist, you find that the profession is sorely lacking in stamina.
So for a more serious note, there is one thing I want to talk about but I'm not ready. The time is coming and close, but I'm not there yet. I want to get it out but there's still a block holding me in place. And I'm taking that as a warning that I'm not ready. Hell, look how long it took me to confront and forgive my Aunt Linda!
I'll get there, in my own time and my own way. But I'm not ready to admit that I'm ready to share who and what I am without shame or fear. I only hope that the world is ready for it. I've spent far too long masking me that I'm not sure that some are ready for The Real Erick and not the illusion I've spent years crafting.
We'll see, won't we?
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