As someone with OCD (CDO if you got it bad and want it in alphabetical order), I know that I can over think stuff. I'm very detail oriented. However, I'm finding that I'm also an over feeler. Not that I'm over emotional (I can hear the keyboards clatter away with arguments to the contrary) but that I can focus on a feeling, or a set of them, and just over feel my feelings.
The worst way I do this is when I love someone. Mind you, I give myself freely, deeply and totally to those I love, especially The Hubby and The Collared One. Also, thanks to my Mom, I have a lot of guilt that can rear its ugly head at any moment if I feel I've done something wrong. Yeah, I'm a cargo plane of baggage, I know.
I feel as if I've done something wrong at times when I don't see my Collared One as much as I would other people in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know (rationally) that he has his own life and responsibilities. I get that. But emotionally I don't. At times I wanna cry or lash out. Most times I feel as if I'm a runner up or back-up plan. Again, rationally I get that I'm not and everyone has their own circumstances to live with. But it's my irrational side that we're talkin' 'bout right now.
I can yell and scream at people, better than most at times. But to sit and convey my inner thoughts and feelings with people is another story altogether. Negative stuff I know how to deal with, I've had a lifetime to master it. But positive stuff is still so much of an undiscovered country and an alien concept in how I convey it all.
I don't think I ask for much in the form of time. But yet I feel that I'd be asking too much. I ca write out so much better than I speak, but letters and e-mails take away the face-to-face time that I value more in communication.
I don't know. But I'll figure it out. Thanks for putting up with my manic craziness.
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