Divine Moments

You do not wish to know anything. You wish only to speak. That which you know, you ignore because it is inconvenient. That which you do not know, you invent.

So with all this new Zen shit I'm finding for myself, one of the biggest things for me has been letting myself have what I call "Divine Moments". This is where I don't push out the Divine from trying to be there for me. And by Divine, you can insert God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Shiva or any other of the many Gods and/or Goddesses names from throughout Human History. But I'm just gonna stick with saying 'Divine', so try and keep up!

You'll notice I said that I'm not pushing out the Divine when It tries to help me out. I say this due to the fact that I see morons around me always trying to keep the Divine at an arms length because whatever It is trying to give them or teach them, they just don't want to hear. And to me that's actually depressing. It seems that no matter what, these goovnayuk's are stuck in what they where brought up in. They leave no room for change or growth.
I do what I can to try and leave space for the Divine in my Life. Sure, there have been/are/will be times that the Divine is speaking to me and I'll just not want to hear it. But I realize that I need to hear it, to have it change me, make me grow. And there are many ways that It tries to speak to me. Through people, animals, events or just hearing someone you don't know say something and it clicks with you on something in your life. The Divine will find a way to come into your Life and guide you.

I believe that everything in this Universe is the Divine. Me, my Hubby, the computer I'm typing this on. The Internet. The Earth, Sun, planets. Everything. We are all part of the same Divine, even though we have different ways of interpreting It. To me, the Universe is alive, a living thing. Kinda like The Gaia Theory on super-steroids.

But as I was saying; I believe that the Divine tries to speak to people and they flat out ignore It because what It is trying to teach goes against everything these morons have been taught. Take for instance the whole "controversy" of Chaz Bono being out, proud and who he is. There are people who are full of venom and hate at him, calling him a 'she' and what not. What they don't see is that chance for growth that the Divine is trying to give them. By loving him for who he is, not what you think or want him to be.
I'm not saying that Chaz was put here for them or you, but he is in a position to be a force of change. And I don't get the hate directed at TransGendered people. All the talk of them "messing up what God created" is a joke to me. How many people go and have elective cosmetic surgery, thus "messing up what God created". Sex change operations are no different than a face lift or breast implants. So why aren't people going after people who have elective cosmetic surgery?

Even me writing this is the Divine reaching out to people.

I've gotten into arguments with people about the hate they have that they use God and The Bible to justify. Look, The Bible is a book, a guidebook, but a book. One written by Man, edited by Man, misinterpreted and mistranslated by Man and used for unspeakable acts by Man. Same with The Torah and The Qur'an. To use a book created and abused by Man, no matter how 'inspired by God', is wrong. How many things in these Holy Books do we not follow anymore? Because we've grown past them or that we now know are wrong?

The Divine is more complicated, strange, weird and simple than we can ever know. But It cares about us because we are a part of It. It will come into our lives to help us if we let It. We have got to stop being so involved in us that we ignore a chance for becoming more than what we are.

And I can hear y'all..."What's he going on about?" "Where's my Irate Wiccan Faggot and who's this cunt" Blah, blah, blah. I'm still me, but I'm finding new ways to get through this drek-fest that's life. Frakking deal!

I'm still gonna rant and be pissed, but as I said in my last post, I'm changing this blog a bit and adding more. I think it needs it, I need it. So frakking deal!

And that brings me to these modern Amerikan "Christian" Conservative Repuklicunts. These people are not American or Christian or even Conservative. They thrive on keeping the people of this country in fear and controllable. Take keeping people in fear of Islam by reminding us of 9/11 all the damn time! I love how the media, on 9/11, was all about "How can we make sure we never forget?" Easy, you won't let us! Islam isn't the enemy, it's these political assholes!
They aren't Christian because they have no Christ attributes! And if Jesus comes back, I know that these cunts would crucify him all over again because of what he preached/preaches. Help the poor, feed the hungry, love your enemy. These aren't modern Amerikan Christian Conservative Repuklicunt values or qualities! Keep the poor poor, let the hungry die from hunger and smite your enemy.

And then there's the Amerikan people. Look at the CNN Tea Party Debate when Ron Paul was asked if we should let an uninsured man die from his sickness. The crowd cheered after a guy yelled "YES"! What does that say about us? As a country and a people?
I work with people who say we shouldn't pay the way for the sick and uninsured. My, so not WWJD! It seems that these Amerikan Christians are anything but. I really see this country heading down the same path as Germany after The Great War. These "Conservative" Repuklicunts who are fueling the Tea Party are just the new Nazi's. Instead of being guided by a "blood religion of racial purity" they are being driven by their own version of Christianity which fits the agenda of their Corporation Controllers. And Demoncraps are more fiscally conservative than these Repuklicunts! History shows it.
To be a true Christian would mean taking care of those who go without and not complaining about it! Not, "Why should I pay for others to have a free ride?!" Seriously? Jesus weeps for you and your cold, hard heart. I love watching these cunts being a "good Christian" only when it suits them. Otherwise, it's "let them die!"

Either live up to the ideals of your Savior or just stop calling yourself a Christian. The Divine will keep trying to warm your heart, even when you ignore It. But that's your karma to deal with. I feel no pity for you when you eventually fail. I may be an Irate Wiccan Faggot asshole who hates everyone, but I help those who need it. Without reservation or thought of "what can I get out of this". Can you say the same?

Later fuckers...

The new and improved Irate Wiccan Faggot

Worry not frakkers, I'm not giving up on my trend of pisstivity. But I felt it's high time that there be more here than my lack of anger management. Don't get me wrong, the cathartic therapy of getting it all out is way cheaper than a goovnayuk mandavoshka listening to me and telling me all the drek that's wrong with me in German names. However, I've been racking my brain for other ways to get drek out that's not anger, but just as cathartic. And I think I've found it!

So here goes:

Lately, like the last year or so, I've been working on me. Emotionally and mentally. Trust, it's like rebuilding NOLA after Katrina...it's gonna take years! But I'm in a Zen space that I never thought I'd get to. Being a rage filled flesh bag of anger and piss does that.

I've been trying REALLY hard not to knee jerk react emotionally. Not easy for me, but I'm doing way better than I thought I could. Also, just as difficult, is to not let stress get to me. This is a big one for me. I've lived with stress and tension for so long that I don't know how to live without them. But I am getting there bit by bit.
Another thing for me is letting people be people, even if they piss me the frak off. Reason for this is that Karma gets people in the end. And this has been uber easy, surprisingly. Now, the stupidity that is modern people just rolls off my back like water. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty that irks me and I'll not stop writing about it or noticing it. But I'm not letting it get to me as much.

Another really major thing is that I've really started to live by my Rules of Life. And the more I have, the more I've found that they are so fucking true. So here's a list;

1. Let your thoughts be your Sword and Shield.
2. Ignore adversity.
3. Abide by the Rules of Love.
4. Stand up for yourself.
5. Larger than life is just the right size.
6. Live life, don't let life live you.
7. Don't accept limits just because someone say they are so.
8. You promised trouble everyday of your life. Don't make no more trouble for you than you are already promise.
9. Be truthful. Forget tact, it's a form of lying.
10. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. If you can't love yourself then how can you love someone? If you can't be by yourself and enjoy that time, how can you enjoy time with another person?
11. What you won't do (in life or in the bed), someone else will.
12. Forgive, no matter how much it hurts. Both yourself and others. It's for you, not the other person(s). If you can't forgive and let go, those people hold power over you until you can forgive and let go. Don't give people that kind of power!
13. Keep on loving, no matter how often your heart been broken.
14. There's a time to be cool. Then there's times to act a fool to get results.
15. Treat others how you want to be treated.
16. Treat others how they treat you.
17. Take responsibility for what you do and don't do.
18. There's always a choice. Not making a choice is still a choice.

Other rules I've come by recently and they hold as true;

1. Your teens are for figuring out who you think you are.
2. Your 20s are for realizing who you really are and for making mistakes. And 21 isn't grown. It's legal but it ain't grown.
3. Your 30s are when your bulb turn on and you start working on who you want to be. If your bulb doesn't come on, check your bulb!
4. Your 40s are when you stop lying to yourself and when you're finally grown.
5. After 50 you don't give foolishness any time.

Then there's the Rules for Friends and People;

1. Don't try and change people to what you want them to be. You'll always be disappointed.
2. If people want to walk out of your life, let them go.
3. Keep people in the category of a tree. Most people in the world are like leaves. Wind blows, they go this way. Wind blows again, they move another way. Watch out for them leaves!
The there's the branches and they're tricky. They seem strong, but they will trick you. A good, strong storm comes along and they'll disappoint you by breaking off and falling away.
Then there's the roots. They are few and far between, but they give life to the tree that's you. Keep them around!
Know the difference and remember it!
4. Learn that most people only come into your life for a season. Very few are Lifers. Don't get the two confused, you'll lose in the end.

So there's all these rules, but they have helped me to no end! And I love 'em for that. Like I said, I've gotten in a Zen space that I'm forever thankful for. I doubt I'll ever be in a state of not being pissed, but I can alter that by balancing pissed with calm and collect. A much sharper blade to be sure.

Look, I'm still growing and changing and I'm sure I'll become something more and different later. But for now this is where I am and I am thankful for it. That's something else I've learned;
I'm not mad at what Life has handed me or done to me, it was good for me. And Life hasn't done anything to me that I haven't let it do.

Zen space or not, I'm moving beyond the whole "Anger Mode". I'll miss it, but I'm better for moving on. It'll always be there, of that I'm more than sure. But I need to move on, no matter how much I'd like to fight it. It's good for me, it makes me better, more adaptive. And if that doesn't scare you frakkers, nothing will!

So that's it losers. Keep on loving to hate me or loving me cuz I'm the best thing to happen to you. And sorry if that's the case...not really.

I'll always have Chicago

Let me say that I love St. Louis, it's my home and I'll always be a 314 boy. That said, my second love (thus far) is Chicago. Don't love it enough to move there (too expensive for my cheap ass), but I go every year if I can. I love a city where you don't need a car to get around. The 'L' and CTA buses work just fine for me and the passes are cheap enough to fit easily into my budget.

Now granted I didn't do as much as I've done on other trips, but this one was satisfying in more ways. I got my first hotel room through Super 8. Not bad, the breakfast lacked major, but the room was clean and the location was nice. Right on North Sheridan in Roger's Park and less than a block from the lake and local beach, northbound and southbound bus stops right in front of the hotel and a four block walk to the nearest 'L' station. And $88 a night for a room in Chicago? Hell yes! I've done $50 a night hotel in downtown Chicago, but that was a 5 star on the ghetto scale kinda place.

The Hubby didn't go with me this time, couldn't get off work. And I like that he didn't go, every couple needs time apart. Deal if you don't like it! Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The best part of the trip was that I got to reconnect with a friend I'd not seen in 6 years! He and his Hubby went with me to Chinatown Friday and Hamburger Mary's Saturday. I love that he got a man that he has to keep up with, he needed that. Love ya Ed!

Second to seeing Ed again was going to Las Mananitas, a Mexican place in Boystown. Swear to the Gods, no better place to get Mexican food, that I've been to anyway. Tried some chorizo enchiladas covered in a jalapeno-tomatillo sauce and it was better than sex! I'm drooling now...

...clean up on Isle 3...

...And so Chinatown was kinda a bust. Nice to visit, but not much there. Will need to again earlier in the day and walk around the whole area. And for the gamers out there, People Play Games on North Clark is killer! They have old school systems that work! Like a Magnavox Odyssey 2, an Atari 2600 that I would have gotten had I had room in my luggage, Sega of all type, Nintendo's from way back when and shit I've not ever heard of. And games for all the systems they sell. I could go for broke there and I'm not a gamer!

Then there's GayMart in Boystown. My comic lovers would jizz themselves with all the "action figures" they have! And Star Trek playsets and figures from the late 60s and early 70s. And LGBT stuff too, but the actions figures make it worth it.

But Hamburger Mary's in Andersonville is a food lover Mecca! Just damn good food, like the "Sit-n-Spinach" salad I had! Drooling again...

...clean up Isle 4!...

...Back on track.
So, that visit was marred by the cunty, man hating dykes who told me, Ed and his Hubby that we needed to go cuz we where on their turf! Fuck that! They even got told by the waiter to cool it, but that just made them more eager to get us gone. Just plain ignorant bitches! I don't get the mentality to act so childish to get people to move so you can have their table. It's stupid and I can't stand it. And yes, that makes them cunty, ignorant bitches! Same would hold true if they had been gay men, hetero, black or whatever. That childish behavior makes anyone a cunty bitch.
By then end, they moved a chair to block Ed's Hubby from getting back to his seat. One of 'em got water thrown on her...yeah, the shit follows me wherever I go. Whatever. Anyway, she deserved it. Any person causing your food going experience to sour deserves a good water-in-the-face gesture. It's a classic that should never die.

After this was drinks and laughs at The Call Bar up the street. That was a great way to end the evening before I had to catch the bus to call it a night. But I'll say that waking up and walking for an hour on the beach is worth doing. The smells, sights and sounds can relax anyone! After this was the 'L' ride to Union Station to catch the bus home.

And let me say that I am NEVER again taking a bus between cities ever again! Greyhound sucks and is dirty and the trip to and from Cleveland was horrid! But MegaBus is worse in that the seats are not comfy and that on the way up to Chicago, the fucking bus broke down! Tension rod and pulley in the engine broke right off. So after an hour and the driver calling the company 5 times, 20 of us got together and rented a party bus to come get us and take us to Chicago. Got to my hotel 4 or 5 hours late. Found out coming back Sunday that the remaining riders waited another 2 and a half hours for MegaBus to get a charter bus to get them the rest of the way! Seriously? And that was after people started to call them and complain! Why wasn't this done first? I'm already furious for what happened to me, I can't imagine what would have happened had I stayed. I've already demanded my money back plus reimbursement of the money I spent out of pocket to get a party bus. We'll see what happens...

But I'm home now and off til Wednesday. Gonna take it easy. Later fuckers, I'm off to be a lazy fat man!

Hey Fuckers!

What's up you shitfuckcunts that really aren't there or read this fucked up shit! How y'all doin'? Great, now back to me.

So I've been truckin' along and livin' life. Things have been good and this time, I really like and appreciate the change. Used to not, it only made me paranoid for the other pairs of shoes to drop. Not a shoe, pairs of shoes. Yeah, that was me. Target of the sphincter of the Multiverse. But I've done my time. I like where I'm at and love it more every day. And while I'm still the Irate Wiccan Faggot you all love to hate and bash, I'm finding the Light Feelings can be good and beneficial, just like the Dark Feelings. I just happen to like the Dark Feelings more. Security blanket...I blame my parents.

Anyway, there's still some fucked up shit in my orbit, but nothing I'm concerned about. That crap'll just burn up in re-entry. Self-destructive behavior does that.

So this was a drop of the line to all you imaginary readers out there. One follower over on the right is a bummer at times, but hey, I keep on writing. Well...as much as I feel like. It is my blog after all.

Whatever fuckers.

I'm not dead! For the most part...

Yikes! I ain't posted since March 27th? And I even forgot my password to this bitch of a blog? Yeah, fag has been lazy.

The other thing is that I ain't got much to rant about and that worries me. Only to the point that either I've gotten soft or that I'm not as angry as I used to be. Or that nothing really has gotten me pissed. Or I've done enough cathartic cleansing that I'm able and dare I say, ready to move on. Doubt it, but we'll see.

Never mind, I feel a rant coming on...

The whole Anthony Weiner thing has me in stitches. It's just stupid. As far as I know and can tell, he sent "lewd" pics and wasn't looking for sex. Though if that crotch shot is any indication, I'll fuck him. And so he likes his dick and showing off his body! How many times do you see this daily on the net from everyday guys? Guys with iPhones, anyone?
And who cares if an elected official is doing it? Hell, we prop these people up to be perfect, just like Whorewood celeBRATies. They're human, sub-human most times. I say he should have stayed in office. He wasn't that Craigslist Congressman looking for a hot fuck or Larry Craig or The Governator. Hell, Weiner should do a spread in Playgirl. Would be a major boost for him, me thinks.

And shifting gears to haters. I'm not done with haters, they make things most awesome. They point out how bad ass you can be. My favorite haters are the ones who make you the center of their world by always talking about you or turning a conversation to be about you. The power that can give a person!
Think of it for a minute. No matter what you do, your hater will focus on it and warp it for their own agenda. But if you can control what the hater sees and hears (while they're in your company, line of sight, through another person or at the same place/event as you), then you got it made! You can fuck them up just by limiting yourself or going overboard. And, you won't have to be an ass or be mean or anything that the hater wants you to be, so that they can justify their position. You've got the power over the hater. Make them look bad by controlling your actions and inactions. Make them be an ass and an embarrassment.

Speaking of haters, I still got one or two around me. Why keep 'em? Cuz they are useful tools. It's like controlling your own propaganda machine. And it's fun to see how people will twist shit around for either their own amusement or for an agenda they think you don't see.
Ah, the things I know about my haters. But that's another post. Gotta keep aces up me sleeves. A fag is many things, stupid ain't one of 'em. I just play dumb really well.

But more about me...I'm doing well. After that whole incident with people I used to associate with, I'm good. And I'm not mad at them nor do I hate them. That would give them the power and I won't grant them that. They have their own karma to deal with at some point while I'm just gonna keep on walkin' and doin' my best to be at peace with myself. Besides, guilt is a powerful emotion. And it will show up sooner or later. But even though I'm not mad or hate filled, I won't accept an apology from them. There are some things that are just unforgivable.

OH! Last weekend my sister got married! She was beautiful and her new Hubby looked as handsome as could be!! It's sad to think people refused to show since he's black and she's white. Like that should fucking matter! Her paternal grandparents refused to show, saying that they think it's wrong, they refuse to see their son give away their granddaughter away to a black man and that their bloodline will no longer be pure. My, how Nazi of you.
She married another Human who just so happens to have a darker skin tone than she does. I don't get it. I don't understand how skin color makes that much of a difference. And how is marrying outside your "race" such a bad thing when one of the most iconic couples on US television are Lucy and Desi? Last I checked, they where inter-racial! Or does the monochromatic color-scheme of the era make that point moot? I'm not sure...
Anyway. He treats he like gold, loves her and doesn't beat her. What more could you want? Skin color is only skin deep. It shouldn't matter!!! Love is blind to that shit. Now they need to start making babies so my mom will get the grandchildren she now wants. Cuz we all know she ain't gonna be gettin' 'em from me!

But now I'm gearing up for Pride Weekend here in St. Louis and my little bro is coming down for the first time to show his love and support for me and The Hubby. Can't ask for better! I have the possible chance of marching in the parade this year, but I may have to turn it down so I can watch it with my bro. Although, he could possibly march with PFLAG. Fun as it is to think about, I ain't gonna do that to him his first time down. Maybe another year.

Saw 'Green Lantern' yesterday. Good movie, solid B+. However, Ryan Reynolds in tighty whiteys was so worth it! I'd break that man in two!!!
Now I'm gettin' ready for the new Transformers movie, which I hope to Primus doesn't suck as much as the second film did. Gods, that was a waste of time and money. And I refuse to buy it on any sort of medium. It was that bad.
After the new Transformers, I wanna see the last Harry Potter movie. Now, I've read the books and it was the last one that got me hooked. So seeing that this last movie deals with The Battle of Hogwarts, I'm stoked! And let's be real, I'm all about seeing Mrs. Weasley go toe-to-toe with Bellatrix. Yeah...I'm a dork. We knew this.

So, as per my usuals, fuck all y'all shitfuckcunts and much love to all the haters out there. You make this goovna worth it! And to all the haters still in my life, keep on bringin' it! To all those who love, support and tolerate my crazy ass, know that I love you more than you know! And to those willing to stick by me this past year, you have my all my thanks! Bulldrek wins out too much sometimes, but you stepped up and beyond that drek. I can never thank you enough!!!

OK...done being a soft fag. Fuck off 'til next time cunts!