Worry not frakkers, I'm not giving up on my trend of pisstivity. But I felt it's high time that there be more here than my lack of anger management. Don't get me wrong, the cathartic therapy of getting it all out is way cheaper than a goovnayuk mandavoshka listening to me and telling me all the drek that's wrong with me in German names. However, I've been racking my brain for other ways to get drek out that's not anger, but just as cathartic. And I think I've found it!
So here goes:
Lately, like the last year or so, I've been working on me. Emotionally and mentally. Trust, it's like rebuilding NOLA after Katrina...it's gonna take years! But I'm in a Zen space that I never thought I'd get to. Being a rage filled flesh bag of anger and piss does that.
I've been trying REALLY hard not to knee jerk react emotionally. Not easy for me, but I'm doing way better than I thought I could. Also, just as difficult, is to not let stress get to me. This is a big one for me. I've lived with stress and tension for so long that I don't know how to live without them. But I am getting there bit by bit.
Another thing for me is letting people be people, even if they piss me the frak off. Reason for this is that Karma gets people in the end. And this has been uber easy, surprisingly. Now, the stupidity that is modern people just rolls off my back like water. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty that irks me and I'll not stop writing about it or noticing it. But I'm not letting it get to me as much.
Another really major thing is that I've really started to live by my Rules of Life. And the more I have, the more I've found that they are so fucking true. So here's a list;
1. Let your thoughts be your Sword and Shield.
2. Ignore adversity.
3. Abide by the Rules of Love.
4. Stand up for yourself.
5. Larger than life is just the right size.
6. Live life, don't let life live you.
7. Don't accept limits just because someone say they are so.
8. You promised trouble everyday of your life. Don't make no more trouble for you than you are already promise.
9. Be truthful. Forget tact, it's a form of lying.
10. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. If you can't love yourself then how can you love someone? If you can't be by yourself and enjoy that time, how can you enjoy time with another person?
11. What you won't do (in life or in the bed), someone else will.
12. Forgive, no matter how much it hurts. Both yourself and others. It's for you, not the other person(s). If you can't forgive and let go, those people hold power over you until you can forgive and let go. Don't give people that kind of power!
13. Keep on loving, no matter how often your heart been broken.
14. There's a time to be cool. Then there's times to act a fool to get results.
15. Treat others how you want to be treated.
16. Treat others how they treat you.
17. Take responsibility for what you do and don't do.
18. There's always a choice. Not making a choice is still a choice.
Other rules I've come by recently and they hold as true;
1. Your teens are for figuring out who you think you are.
2. Your 20s are for realizing who you really are and for making mistakes. And 21 isn't grown. It's legal but it ain't grown.
3. Your 30s are when your bulb turn on and you start working on who you want to be. If your bulb doesn't come on, check your bulb!
4. Your 40s are when you stop lying to yourself and when you're finally grown.
5. After 50 you don't give foolishness any time.
Then there's the Rules for Friends and People;
1. Don't try and change people to what you want them to be. You'll always be disappointed.
2. If people want to walk out of your life, let them go.
3. Keep people in the category of a tree. Most people in the world are like leaves. Wind blows, they go this way. Wind blows again, they move another way. Watch out for them leaves!
The there's the branches and they're tricky. They seem strong, but they will trick you. A good, strong storm comes along and they'll disappoint you by breaking off and falling away.
Then there's the roots. They are few and far between, but they give life to the tree that's you. Keep them around!
Know the difference and remember it!
4. Learn that most people only come into your life for a season. Very few are Lifers. Don't get the two confused, you'll lose in the end.
So there's all these rules, but they have helped me to no end! And I love 'em for that. Like I said, I've gotten in a Zen space that I'm forever thankful for. I doubt I'll ever be in a state of not being pissed, but I can alter that by balancing pissed with calm and collect. A much sharper blade to be sure.
Look, I'm still growing and changing and I'm sure I'll become something more and different later. But for now this is where I am and I am thankful for it. That's something else I've learned;
I'm not mad at what Life has handed me or done to me, it was good for me. And Life hasn't done anything to me that I haven't let it do.
Zen space or not, I'm moving beyond the whole "Anger Mode". I'll miss it, but I'm better for moving on. It'll always be there, of that I'm more than sure. But I need to move on, no matter how much I'd like to fight it. It's good for me, it makes me better, more adaptive. And if that doesn't scare you frakkers, nothing will!
So that's it losers. Keep on loving to hate me or loving me cuz I'm the best thing to happen to you. And sorry if that's the case...not really.
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