Sunday, October 9, 2011

The frakking bulldrek as of late

OK, so Zen space and all is great for me, but I gotta get some goovna off my chest!

First and foremost is to you Fair Weather Christians who only use your "beliefs" when it suits you or your arguments. I was privy to a conversation/debate on politics a couple weekends ago. One of the people has a history of using Jesus, God and their religion to back up their political points. When countered by the opposing person with the same tactic, they (rather predictably when I look back at it all) said that it was besides the point! At the time, I was in shock over it. I do not understand how "God fearing" Christians can sit and spout crap about Jesus in relation to politics yet can not take the same frakkin' way they dish it! You are a Fair Weather Christian when you do that! You are not a follower of Jesus! Jesus was the original Socialist and hippie, but Gods forbid any "God fearing" Christian ever follow the rules of caring for the sick, give your money to the poor and help others without putting yourself first! Hell, if going by rules, I'm more of a Christian than most examples of modern Christians! And I'm a frakking Pagan!!!
Next time I have to listen to the blathering blatherskite of this hypocrite, I'm gonna have to point this out. I can't stand people who use their "Lord and Savior" as a tool for their own hate and fear. Either follow the teachings of Jesus all the way or not at all, it isn't a pick and choose situation!


Next is to the frakking goovnayuk mandavoshka who had the nerve to tell me I am racist cuz I call people "ghetto" and am White! First off, you as a Latin do not have the right to sit there and tell me I'm racist towards Black people if I use that word to describe a set of behaviors, attitudes/mindsets and/or actions that is prevalent in the Black Community. It isn't racist, cuz let's fact it, I'm "ghetto" to a point. "Ghetto-lite" as it where. Being "ghetto" isn't localized to a color of skin, community or culture. It's a set of behaviors, attitudes/mindsets and/or actions that has been adopted world wide because it's been glorified! "Ghetto" may be a place, but it is also a term to describe how some people act. Learn that, deal with it.
You don't like it? Fine, that's you. But do not sit your PC, nose-in-the-air ass in front of a computer and tell me I'm racist because I call someone "ghetto". Hell, I was pissed at people for being irate at 'Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen' due to The Twins and how they acted. If you don't like the glorified "ghetto-ness" being parodied, then maybe you shouldn't glorify such behavior. Just my opinion. Frakkin' deal with it you shitfuckcunts.
And I loathe the Race Card being pulled. People who do that have no other way to argue with you so they label you a racist to shut you up. I don't do down in a fight like that. Either learn how to argue your point or just SHUT THE FRAK UP!


And that brings me to a subject I've actually avoided talking about...kinda. This ties in with former posts about haters. Look, from August 2010 til about June of this year (2011) I had one hazmana of a personal trial to get through. I spoke of former friends and family issues. But here lately, thanks in part to Zen Space, I've come to forgive the former friends. I think of them everyday and miss them. Thirteen years worth of a friendship will do that. But I've gotten myself to the point that I forgive them. It doesn't mean I wanna be around 'em, but I can let go of the drama they caused. It's their Karma to deal with at some point and I'm fine with that.
As far as my paternal family? I ain't there yet. Getting there, but it's gonna take a while. More so because I think that not calling me about my Grandmother passing was unforgivable. And mind you, this was on top of them not telling me that my Great-Grandmother had passed either! Yet, I do need to forgive them. For me, not them.

Finally, there's the touchy subject of a stalker/hater of mine. This coward is the best entertainment ever! Not only can this person not even speak to me like a mature person, but has the nerve to go to someone and complain about me, things I've supposedly done or not done and demand apologies from me for drek I was unaware of!
I will not apologize for anything I've supposedly done, or not done, until you have the backbone to come and speak to me like a mature member of society! No going through someone who you know will tell me about it, or let me read the IM's. I know you read this and I know what gets said about me. So here it is, your chance. I'm bringing my game, what about you? And let me kindly remind you that I have made attempts to have a dialogue with you. Oh, you don't remember or think so? How about I publish the e-mails? Or recount the talks we did have before you, yes you, de-friended me on Facebook (twice) and blocked/banned me recently.
I've made attempts, in a very civil manner I might add, to have some sort of understanding with you. However, you do not want it to happen. You've attempted to break-up me and my Hubby, have accused me of abusing him on multiple occasions while claiming I'm suicidal and depressed beyond reason and also that I hold him back on a professional level. I find it sad, yet funny, that you assume a great deal about me without talking with me. Not to me or at me or around me, but with me.
You don't know me and I really don't know you. However, considering the person we have in common, I'm am willing to come to an understanding. Not for you, me or us. But for him. If your not, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry what your actions and inactions will do to your relationship with the common person in our lives. I'm sorry that I'd rather stay in St. Louis than move across half the country for a job I'd be stressed out and worrying about how you'd sabotage me and my job stability. It wouldn't be worth it. And it wouldn't be worth leaving the stability I have now. Rose tinted future be damned, I'll take cold and hard and suck ass reality any day over the torment, plotting, scheming and horror you'd provide.
And I fully realize that posting about you is possibly falling right into your wants, desires and plans. I understand how you use this blog of mine against me to paint me in a bad light when, at the same time, you do not seek out a dialogue with me about it to understand me and why I write what I do. I accept the consequences of my actions and inactions. I accept that by doing this, you may use it as a tool to blackmail/hurt/manipulate the common person in our lives to do whatever it is you want. I doubt it'll work, but you're welcome to try.
But I forgive you. And I mean that so much that I'm posting it in this blog for all the world to see. I forgive you for what you have done, are doing and will do. I forgive you and may you be blessed in all your endevors.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Divine Moments

You do not wish to know anything. You wish only to speak. That which you know, you ignore because it is inconvenient. That which you do not know, you invent.
So with all this new Zen shit I'm finding for myself, one of the biggest things for me has been letting myself have what I call "Divine Moments". This is where I don't push out the Divine from trying to be there for me. And by Divine, you can insert God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Shiva or any other of the many Gods and/or Goddesses names from throughout Human History. But I'm just gonna stick with saying 'Divine', so try and keep up!

You'll notice I said that I'm not pushing out the Divine when It tries to help me out. I say this due to the fact that I see morons around me always trying to keep the Divine at an arms length because whatever It is trying to give them or teach them, they just don't want to hear. And to me that's actually depressing. It seems that no matter what, these goovnayuk's are stuck in what they where brought up in. They leave no room for change or growth.
I do what I can to try and leave space for the Divine in my Life. Sure, there have been/are/will be times that the Divine is speaking to me and I'll just not want to hear it. But I realize that I need to hear it, to have it change me, make me grow. And there are many ways that It tries to speak to me. Through people, animals, events or just hearing someone you don't know say something and it clicks with you on something in your life. The Divine will find a way to come into your Life and guide you.

I believe that everything in this Universe is the Divine. Me, my Hubby, the computer I'm typing this on. The Internet. The Earth, Sun, planets. Everything. We are all part of the same Divine, even though we have different ways of interpreting It. To me, the Universe is alive, a living thing. Kinda like The Gaia Theory on super-steroids.

But as I was saying; I believe that the Divine tries to speak to people and they flat out ignore It because what It is trying to teach goes against everything these morons have been taught. Take for instance the whole "controversy" of Chaz Bono being out, proud and who he is. There are people who are full of venom and hate at him, calling him a 'she' and what not. What they don't see is that chance for growth that the Divine is trying to give them. By loving him for who he is, not what you think or want him to be.
I'm not saying that Chaz was put here for them or you, but he is in a position to be a force of change. And I don't get the hate directed at TransGendered people. All the talk of them "messing up what God created" is a joke to me. How many people go and have elective cosmetic surgery, thus "messing up what God created". Sex change operations are no different than a face lift or breast implants. So why aren't people going after people who have elective cosmetic surgery?

Even me writing this is the Divine reaching out to people.

I've gotten into arguments with people about the hate they have that they use God and The Bible to justify. Look, The Bible is a book, a guidebook, but a book. One written by Man, edited by Man, misinterpreted and mistranslated by Man and used for unspeakable acts by Man. Same with The Torah and The Qur'an. To use a book created and abused by Man, no matter how 'inspired by God', is wrong. How many things in these Holy Books do we not follow anymore? Because we've grown past them or that we now know are wrong?

The Divine is more complicated, strange, weird and simple than we can ever know. But It cares about us because we are a part of It. It will come into our lives to help us if we let It. We have got to stop being so involved in us that we ignore a chance for becoming more than what we are.

And I can hear y'all..."What's he going on about?" "Where's my Irate Wiccan Faggot and who's this cunt" Blah, blah, blah. I'm still me, but I'm finding new ways to get through this drek-fest that's life. Frakking deal!

I'm still gonna rant and be pissed, but as I said in my last post, I'm changing this blog a bit and adding more. I think it needs it, I need it. So frakking deal!

And that brings me to these modern Amerikan "Christian" Conservative Repuklicunts. These people are not American or Christian or even Conservative. They thrive on keeping the people of this country in fear and controllable. Take keeping people in fear of Islam by reminding us of 9/11 all the damn time! I love how the media, on 9/11, was all about "How can we make sure we never forget?" Easy, you won't let us! Islam isn't the enemy, it's these political assholes!
They aren't Christian because they have no Christ attributes! And if Jesus comes back, I know that these cunts would crucify him all over again because of what he preached/preaches. Help the poor, feed the hungry, love your enemy. These aren't modern Amerikan Christian Conservative Repuklicunt values or qualities! Keep the poor poor, let the hungry die from hunger and smite your enemy.

And then there's the Amerikan people. Look at the CNN Tea Party Debate when Ron Paul was asked if we should let an uninsured man die from his sickness. The crowd cheered after a guy yelled "YES"! What does that say about us? As a country and a people?
I work with people who say we shouldn't pay the way for the sick and uninsured. My, so not WWJD! It seems that these Amerikan Christians are anything but. I really see this country heading down the same path as Germany after The Great War. These "Conservative" Repuklicunts who are fueling the Tea Party are just the new Nazi's. Instead of being guided by a "blood religion of racial purity" they are being driven by their own version of Christianity which fits the agenda of their Corporation Controllers. And Demoncraps are more fiscally conservative than these Repuklicunts! History shows it.
To be a true Christian would mean taking care of those who go without and not complaining about it! Not, "Why should I pay for others to have a free ride?!" Seriously? Jesus weeps for you and your cold, hard heart. I love watching these cunts being a "good Christian" only when it suits them. Otherwise, it's "let them die!"

Either live up to the ideals of your Savior or just stop calling yourself a Christian. The Divine will keep trying to warm your heart, even when you ignore It. But that's your karma to deal with. I feel no pity for you when you eventually fail. I may be an Irate Wiccan Faggot asshole who hates everyone, but I help those who need it. Without reservation or thought of "what can I get out of this". Can you say the same?

Later fuckers...

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The new and improved Irate Wiccan Faggot

Worry not frakkers, I'm not giving up on my trend of pisstivity. But I felt it's high time that there be more here than my lack of anger management. Don't get me wrong, the cathartic therapy of getting it all out is way cheaper than a goovnayuk mandavoshka listening to me and telling me all the drek that's wrong with me in German names. However, I've been racking my brain for other ways to get drek out that's not anger, but just as cathartic. And I think I've found it!

So here goes:

Lately, like the last year or so, I've been working on me. Emotionally and mentally. Trust, it's like rebuilding NOLA after Katrina...it's gonna take years! But I'm in a Zen space that I never thought I'd get to. Being a rage filled flesh bag of anger and piss does that.

I've been trying REALLY hard not to knee jerk react emotionally. Not easy for me, but I'm doing way better than I thought I could. Also, just as difficult, is to not let stress get to me. This is a big one for me. I've lived with stress and tension for so long that I don't know how to live without them. But I am getting there bit by bit.
Another thing for me is letting people be people, even if they piss me the frak off. Reason for this is that Karma gets people in the end. And this has been uber easy, surprisingly. Now, the stupidity that is modern people just rolls off my back like water. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty that irks me and I'll not stop writing about it or noticing it. But I'm not letting it get to me as much.

Another really major thing is that I've really started to live by my Rules of Life. And the more I have, the more I've found that they are so fucking true. So here's a list;

1. Let your thoughts be your Sword and Shield.
2. Ignore adversity.
3. Abide by the Rules of Love.
4. Stand up for yourself.
5. Larger than life is just the right size.
6. Live life, don't let life live you.
7. Don't accept limits just because someone say they are so.
8. You promised trouble everyday of your life. Don't make no more trouble for you than you are already promise.
9. Be truthful. Forget tact, it's a form of lying.
10. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. If you can't love yourself then how can you love someone? If you can't be by yourself and enjoy that time, how can you enjoy time with another person?
11. What you won't do (in life or in the bed), someone else will.
12. Forgive, no matter how much it hurts. Both yourself and others. It's for you, not the other person(s). If you can't forgive and let go, those people hold power over you until you can forgive and let go. Don't give people that kind of power!
13. Keep on loving, no matter how often your heart been broken.
14. There's a time to be cool. Then there's times to act a fool to get results.
15. Treat others how you want to be treated.
16. Treat others how they treat you.
17. Take responsibility for what you do and don't do.
18. There's always a choice. Not making a choice is still a choice.

Other rules I've come by recently and they hold as true;

1. Your teens are for figuring out who you think you are.
2. Your 20s are for realizing who you really are and for making mistakes. And 21 isn't grown. It's legal but it ain't grown.
3. Your 30s are when your bulb turn on and you start working on who you want to be. If your bulb doesn't come on, check your bulb!
4. Your 40s are when you stop lying to yourself and when you're finally grown.
5. After 50 you don't give foolishness any time.

Then there's the Rules for Friends and People;

1. Don't try and change people to what you want them to be. You'll always be disappointed.
2. If people want to walk out of your life, let them go.
3. Keep people in the category of a tree. Most people in the world are like leaves. Wind blows, they go this way. Wind blows again, they move another way. Watch out for them leaves!
The there's the branches and they're tricky. They seem strong, but they will trick you. A good, strong storm comes along and they'll disappoint you by breaking off and falling away.
Then there's the roots. They are few and far between, but they give life to the tree that's you. Keep them around!
Know the difference and remember it!
4. Learn that most people only come into your life for a season. Very few are Lifers. Don't get the two confused, you'll lose in the end.

So there's all these rules, but they have helped me to no end! And I love 'em for that. Like I said, I've gotten in a Zen space that I'm forever thankful for. I doubt I'll ever be in a state of not being pissed, but I can alter that by balancing pissed with calm and collect. A much sharper blade to be sure.

Look, I'm still growing and changing and I'm sure I'll become something more and different later. But for now this is where I am and I am thankful for it. That's something else I've learned;
I'm not mad at what Life has handed me or done to me, it was good for me. And Life hasn't done anything to me that I haven't let it do.

Zen space or not, I'm moving beyond the whole "Anger Mode". I'll miss it, but I'm better for moving on. It'll always be there, of that I'm more than sure. But I need to move on, no matter how much I'd like to fight it. It's good for me, it makes me better, more adaptive. And if that doesn't scare you frakkers, nothing will!

So that's it losers. Keep on loving to hate me or loving me cuz I'm the best thing to happen to you. And sorry if that's the case...not really.

Monday, August 22, 2011

I'll always have Chicago

Let me say that I love St. Louis, it's my home and I'll always be a 314 boy. That said, my second love (thus far) is Chicago. Don't love it enough to move there (too expensive for my cheap ass), but I go every year if I can. I love a city where you don't need a car to get around. The 'L' and CTA buses work just fine for me and the passes are cheap enough to fit easily into my budget.

Now granted I didn't do as much as I've done on other trips, but this one was satisfying in more ways. I got my first hotel room through Super 8. Not bad, the breakfast lacked major, but the room was clean and the location was nice. Right on North Sheridan in Roger's Park and less than a block from the lake and local beach, northbound and southbound bus stops right in front of the hotel and a four block walk to the nearest 'L' station. And $88 a night for a room in Chicago? Hell yes! I've done $50 a night hotel in downtown Chicago, but that was a 5 star on the ghetto scale kinda place.

The Hubby didn't go with me this time, couldn't get off work. And I like that he didn't go, every couple needs time apart. Deal if you don't like it! Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The best part of the trip was that I got to reconnect with a friend I'd not seen in 6 years! He and his Hubby went with me to Chinatown Friday and Hamburger Mary's Saturday. I love that he got a man that he has to keep up with, he needed that. Love ya Ed!

Second to seeing Ed again was going to Las Mananitas, a Mexican place in Boystown. Swear to the Gods, no better place to get Mexican food, that I've been to anyway. Tried some chorizo enchiladas covered in a jalapeno-tomatillo sauce and it was better than sex! I'm drooling now...

...clean up on Isle 3...

...And so Chinatown was kinda a bust. Nice to visit, but not much there. Will need to again earlier in the day and walk around the whole area. And for the gamers out there, People Play Games on North Clark is killer! They have old school systems that work! Like a Magnavox Odyssey 2, an Atari 2600 that I would have gotten had I had room in my luggage, Sega of all type, Nintendo's from way back when and shit I've not ever heard of. And games for all the systems they sell. I could go for broke there and I'm not a gamer!

Then there's GayMart in Boystown. My comic lovers would jizz themselves with all the "action figures" they have! And Star Trek playsets and figures from the late 60s and early 70s. And LGBT stuff too, but the actions figures make it worth it.

But Hamburger Mary's in Andersonville is a food lover Mecca! Just damn good food, like the "Sit-n-Spinach" salad I had! Drooling again...

...clean up Isle 4!...

...Back on track.
So, that visit was marred by the cunty, man hating dykes who told me, Ed and his Hubby that we needed to go cuz we where on their turf! Fuck that! They even got told by the waiter to cool it, but that just made them more eager to get us gone. Just plain ignorant bitches! I don't get the mentality to act so childish to get people to move so you can have their table. It's stupid and I can't stand it. And yes, that makes them cunty, ignorant bitches! Same would hold true if they had been gay men, hetero, black or whatever. That childish behavior makes anyone a cunty bitch.
By then end, they moved a chair to block Ed's Hubby from getting back to his seat. One of 'em got water thrown on her...yeah, the shit follows me wherever I go. Whatever. Anyway, she deserved it. Any person causing your food going experience to sour deserves a good water-in-the-face gesture. It's a classic that should never die.

After this was drinks and laughs at The Call Bar up the street. That was a great way to end the evening before I had to catch the bus to call it a night. But I'll say that waking up and walking for an hour on the beach is worth doing. The smells, sights and sounds can relax anyone! After this was the 'L' ride to Union Station to catch the bus home.

And let me say that I am NEVER again taking a bus between cities ever again! Greyhound sucks and is dirty and the trip to and from Cleveland was horrid! But MegaBus is worse in that the seats are not comfy and that on the way up to Chicago, the fucking bus broke down! Tension rod and pulley in the engine broke right off. So after an hour and the driver calling the company 5 times, 20 of us got together and rented a party bus to come get us and take us to Chicago. Got to my hotel 4 or 5 hours late. Found out coming back Sunday that the remaining riders waited another 2 and a half hours for MegaBus to get a charter bus to get them the rest of the way! Seriously? And that was after people started to call them and complain! Why wasn't this done first? I'm already furious for what happened to me, I can't imagine what would have happened had I stayed. I've already demanded my money back plus reimbursement of the money I spent out of pocket to get a party bus. We'll see what happens...

But I'm home now and off til Wednesday. Gonna take it easy. Later fuckers, I'm off to be a lazy fat man!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Hey Fuckers!

What's up you shitfuckcunts that really aren't there or read this fucked up shit! How y'all doin'? Great, now back to me.

So I've been truckin' along and livin' life. Things have been good and this time, I really like and appreciate the change. Used to not, it only made me paranoid for the other pairs of shoes to drop. Not a shoe, pairs of shoes. Yeah, that was me. Target of the sphincter of the Multiverse. But I've done my time. I like where I'm at and love it more every day. And while I'm still the Irate Wiccan Faggot you all love to hate and bash, I'm finding the Light Feelings can be good and beneficial, just like the Dark Feelings. I just happen to like the Dark Feelings more. Security blanket...I blame my parents.

Anyway, there's still some fucked up shit in my orbit, but nothing I'm concerned about. That crap'll just burn up in re-entry. Self-destructive behavior does that.

So this was a drop of the line to all you imaginary readers out there. One follower over on the right is a bummer at times, but hey, I keep on writing. Well...as much as I feel like. It is my blog after all.

Whatever fuckers.