To Russia, with love of The Gay Pagan American/Для России с любовью американских геев Языческие

Normally, I love Russia and Russians. An amazing country, with a rich history, culture and amazing people. I understand Russians a bit, not hard once you stop trying to put them in a box of your expectations. I also want to learn Russian as I think it's a beautiful language. But whatever the hell is going on in Russia in regards to Russian Gays, Lesbians and Bisexuals (not to mention what is NOT being said about the Trans populace), is scary and staggers my mind. I honestly thought better of Russians than this.
Do I blame Putin? Or is this an expectant after effect from The Fall of Lenin-Stalin style Communism? All this hate and laws coming from the Russian Government is scaring me as someone who loves Russia from afar. I want to visit there badly, but am now very hesitant to even think of it. Now you can be arrested just for holding hands? Or having a Rainbow patch on your jacket or bag? And get fined a quarter of a million rubles with two weeks in jail? Holy hell! I don't want to go to Mother Russia with the same desire of not wanting to visit North Korea or Djibouti!!
Come on Russia, you're better than this! At least it's my humble opinion that you are. But maybe that comes from me being born and raised in The United States and being able to be out and proud without having to fear the repercussions from my government and local police. I can admit I'm unfamiliar with the ways of other countries and cultures, but I also read and research. Something more and more people don't do, both here in The United States and abroad.
And so, in protest of all the hate and bigotry, we have people like Nikolai Alekseev and his organization GayRussia fighting the fight. Nikolai and his fellow protesters are arrested often and fined every time. Yet when British actress Tilda Swinton holds a Rainbow Flag in front of The Kremlin in protest of the recent laws, she isn't arrested. I think she should have been, but then maybe Russia doesn't mind the hypocrisy. Or it does and thought better than to anger Great Britain. Who knows.

I urge everyone who can to send support via donations to GayRussia. However, per a post on Facebook from Nikolai, PayPal has yielded to the Russian Government:

READ AND REPUBLISH!!! This is the letter I just received from PayPal concerning the account of GAYRUSSIAFUND which you used to help us pay the fine imposed by homophobic Russian authorities. As we are non-registered organization (and we are not able to register it in Russia due to homophobia of Russian authorities) we can not use PayPal... How do you like it? What are we supposed to do now?

Hello Alekseev Nikolay,

We appreciate your interest in PayPal. However, due to legal and regulatory constraints, PayPal Private Limited is unable to process payments for non-registered charities and non-profit organizations (NPOs); political party/organizations; religious institutions; personal/organizational fundraisers, etc in countries under its jurisdiction.

You may refer to the PayPal Private Limited User Agreement link
(https://www.paypal.com/sg/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=p%2Fgen%2Fua%2Fua-outside) to review the list of countries under its jurisdiction.

This is not a decision we make lightly, and we deeply regret any
inconvenience or frustration this matter may cause you. Please understand that this decision is final.

Regarding to the balance remaining in your PayPal account, you have two solutions to deal with these funds:

1. Money in your PayPal account will be held for 180 days. After 180
Days, we'll email you information on how to receive your funds.

2. Your remaining account balance can only be used to refund the senders. You can refund payments received in 60 days by yourself. To refund your donors:
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2). Click "Contact Us" at the bottom of any page.
3). Click "Contact Customer Service."
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With all that, Nikolai is looking to set up a non-profit Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered human rights fund for Russia in Switzerland. If you're not friends or follow him on Facebook, I urge you to do so, so we can help in any way possible, even if it is spreading information to the world at large.


Обычно, я люблю Россию и русских. Удивительная страна, с богатой историей, культурой и удивительных людей. Я понимаю русских немного, не трудно, как только вы перестанете пытаться положить их в коробку все ваши ожидания. Я также хочу выучить русский язык, как я думаю, что это красивый язык. Но что бы, черт возьми, происходит в России в отношении России геев, лесбиянок и бисексуалов (не говоря уже о то, что не сказано о Транс населения), страшно и поражает мой ум. Я честно думал, лучше россиян, чем эта.
Должен ли я виноват Путин? Или это будущее после эффекта от падения Ленина-Сталина стиль коммунизм? Все это ненависть и законы прибывающий из России правительство пугаешь меня как человека, который любит Россию издалека. Я хочу, чтобы посетить там плохо, но сейчас очень не решаются даже думать об этом. Теперь вы можете быть арестованы только для держась за руки? Или имеющие патч Радуга на вашу куртку или сумку? И оштрафовать четверть миллиона рублей за две недели в тюрьме? Святой ад! Я не хочу идти в матушке-России с тем же желанием не желающих посетить Северную Корею или Джибути!
Давай Россия, ты лучше, чем это! По крайней мере, это мое скромное мнение, что вы. Но, возможно, что исходит от меня время родился и вырос в Соединенных Штатах и ​​в состоянии быть, и гордый, не опасаясь возмездия со стороны моего правительства и местной полиции. Я могу признать, что я знаком с пути других стран и культур, но я также читал и исследований. Что-то все больше и больше людей не делают, как здесь, в Соединенных Штатах и ​​за рубежом.
И так, в знак протеста против всех ненависть и фанатизм, у нас есть такие люди, как Николай Алексеев и его организации GayRussia борьбе с боем. Николай и его товарищи протестующих арестовали и оштрафовали часто каждый раз. Все же, когда британская актриса Тильда Суинтон имеет радужный флаг перед Кремлем в знак протеста против недавно принятых законов, она не арестовали. Я думаю, что она должна была быть, но то, возможно, Россия не возражает против лицемерия. Или она делает, и думал, лучше, чем на гнев Великобритании. Кто знает.


Я призываю всех, кто может послать поддержку через пожертвования GayRussia. Однако, согласно сообщению на Facebook от Николая, PayPal уступила Правительству России:


ПРОЧТИТЕ И REPUBLISH! Это письмо, которое я только что получил от PayPal о счете GAYRUSSIAFUND, использованный, чтобы помочь нам оплатить штраф, наложенный гомофобных властей России. Как мы незарегистрированной организации (и мы не в состоянии зарегистрировать его в Россию в связи с гомофобией властей России) мы не можем использовать PayPal ... Как вам это нравится? Что нам теперь делать?
Здравствуйте Николай Алексеев,
Мы ценим Ваш интерес в PayPal. Однако из-за правовых и нормативных ограничений, PayPal Private Limited не может обработать выплат за отказ от зарегистрированных благотворительных и некоммерческих организаций (НКО), политические партии / организации, религиозные учреждения, личные / организационные благотворительных акций, и т.д. в стране под его юрисдикцией .
Вы можете обратиться к PayPal Private Limited ссылка Пользовательское соглашение(Https://www.paypal.com/sg/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=p 2fgen%%% 2Fua 2Fua-снаружи) пересмотреть список стран, находящихся под его юрисдикцией.
Это не решение, мы делаем легко, и мы глубоко сожалеем о любыхнеудобства или разочарования этом вопросе может привести к вам. Пожалуйста, поймите, что это решение является окончательным.
Касательно Остатки на вашем счете PayPal, у вас есть два решения для борьбы с этими средствами:
1. Деньги в PayPal счету будет проходить в течение 180 дней. После 180Дней мы отправим вам информацию о том, как получить свои средства.
2. Оставшийся баланс счета может быть использована только для возврата отправителям. Вы можете возвратить платежей, полученных в течение 60 дней самостоятельно. Возвратить ваши доноры:1). Войти в вашу учетную запись PayPal.2). Нажмите кнопку "Контакты" в нижней части любой страницы.3). Нажмите кнопку "Подключить сервисную службу."4). В разделе "Выберите раздел" Выбор "Отправка / получение денежных средств."5). В «Выберите Подраздел", выберите "Возврат / Отмена платежей".6). Нажмите кнопку "Продолжить" и следуйте инструкциям на возврат платежей.
Для платежей, полученных старше 60 дней, пожалуйста, отправьте нам письмо на apacdd@paypal.com со списком отправителей вы хотели бы возвратить. Включите адрес электронной почты, дату, сумму сделки и ID транзакции.
Если у вас возникли вопросы, вы можете связаться с нами по apacdd@paypal.com.
С уважением,
PayPal комплаенсаPayPal, eBay компании
Ответы на этот адрес электронной почты не контролируются. Пожалуйста, присылайте любыедополнительные вопросы, которые вы, возможно, придется apacdd@paypal.com.-------------------------------------------------- --------------Copyright © 1999-2013 PayPal. Все права защищены.


Со всем, что Николай ищет создать некоммерческую лесбиянок, геев, бисексуалов, транссексуалов прав человека Фонд для России в Швейцарии. Если вы не друзьям или следовать за ним на Facebook, я призываю вас сделать так, чтобы мы могли помочь в любой возможной форме, даже если он распространяется информация в мире в целом.

Not going to St. Louis LGBT Pride 2013

St. Louis LGBT Pride Fest will be held in Downtown St. Louis next weekend, June 29th-30th. Normally, in any US city, this wouldn't cause people to bat an eye. However, the downtown area of St. Louis has historically been a "No Man's Land" outside of normal business hours or a sporting event. While the city government has worked to change that over the years, the night life of the are hasn't moved off of Washington Avenue.
I've expressed disapproval of Pride moving downtown, away from Tower Grove Park and the surrounding neighborhoods. Visibility to the "News Agencies" and being closer to City Hall have been cited as the reasons for this and giving Pride a chance to grow in a way that wasn't possible at Tower Grove. What Pride failed to mention was the lack of choice in restaurants and the like within close distance to the grounds where Pride will be. Union Station is a failure and mostly empty these days (another rant, I assure you). Washington is a few blocks off, but with construction and kids in tow, that can take a while. Add into the fact that the Festival will be in front of Soldiers Memorial, something that I don't think will go over well. Also, Tower Grove Park is a privately owned park open to public use. There was a sense of security that an open air LGBT event that I think will be lacking this year. Add into the fact that Pride is nothing more than a corporate leech to hawk items and services that truly do nothing or go towards Equality.
In The United States, LGBT Pride has become an excuse for buying *anything* rainbow themed, get your gutters cleaned or having a new bathroom installed. Very little to no booths seem dedicated to Equality measures (no, HRC does *NOT* count!) or promoting law changes. No classes offered on how to be a "proper" advocate, protester or activist. Just show up, party, dress skimpy and find a weekend Pride lover.

This is why, in theory, I support the local Tower Grove Pride being held June 29th. It is supported by local businesses on South Grand, the border between the Tower Grove Heights/Tower Grove South and Tower Grove East neighborhoods. I hope that it can grow into a local event, held and worked by locals to support local pride, inclusion and no corporate backing. The local coffeehouse is also hosting an anti-corporate dance party that night. This is my kind of Pride event!
We, as United States LGBT people, need these types of anti-Pride Pride events. No more Rainbow-bleaching from corporate interests who really don't care about us, just our money. One has to wonder how the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s would have fared if treated this way. We can still learn something from that movement. Change was made without corporate funding, as far as I'm aware. People have seem to forgotten the power they wield and that saddens me.

I'm not going to this Pride, I choose to sit back and watch how it's handled, both by The Pride Committee and The City of St. Louis. Not to mention the average citizen who'll be in the thick of this. I only hope for no attacks or bashings. However, I'm all for a Stonewall-like riot by local LGBT folk should anything unwarranted happen.

Father's Day

Truth be told, Father's Day here in The United States isn't something I tend to celebrate. Hell, I avoid it as much as possible. Frankly, I don't believe or feel I have reason to honor my father. He was a drug abusing alcoholic who was emotionally and psychologically abusive. There was a time I loved him, but I was so young then. The older I got, the more of the real him I saw and the more I grew disdainful of him. It eventually lead to us fighting and being, proverbially, at the others throats. Gods, we fought hard and often near The End.

Once, long ago, he was a good and decent man. But like I said, the alcohol and drugs twisted an already broken man. I know his life wasn't easy and he couldn't grow beyond that. Hell, I don't think he was ever offered the tools to do so or knew how to get beyond his trappings. He tried once to get clean and those where good times. I saw the man behind the turmoil. But his Demons where stronger. And when he fell, he fell hard and farther than he did before The Cleanup. So, when the final straw hit the back of the camel, all Hell broke loose. It was our first serious confrontation in October of 1993 that set the stage for us. I had had it and finally broke down and informed my Mom that I'd had a bag packed for over a year, ready to run off. Sure, fear kept me from doing it. But that was eroding more and more everyday. I just couldn't take the fights my parents had, I couldn't take the bullies at school and I couldn't take the isolation I felt in my own extended family. Well, Mom wanting to fix everything, told him and then it went all to shit after that. From that first fight in October to the tension filled days that followed, it all added up to the fight one night in February of 1994 when it all ended with me, Mom and my brother Kyle being kicked out/leaving if our own accord. I'm still a little confused about how that night ended, but it lead to The Dark Days of fights, therapy, moving around a couple times and finally The Divorce in June of 1994.
Then one last fight between him and me where he threatened to kill himself and I said "Do it. I don't care. Besides, I know you won't, you don't have the balls. And you've threatened this before, so go do it if you're gonna do it. I'm done with you." His body was found a week later in a corn field in Iowa that he drove to. He was found with his head blown off from a self inflicted gunshot through the mouth.
For a long time after that I was numb. I blamed myself. Then I got angry, an issue I still deal with. Anger is a lot like any other drug, you become addicted to it. Just like the depression I still deal with. You never truly get over an addiction, you just learn to mitigate it and control it. But it's always there. This is one way I've grown beyond him, gotten better than him. And after I got angry, I got determined to be better than him, more than he could ever be. I finished High School, got a degree and love. He was so full of hate, angry and betrayal. I vowed never to be that until I nearly did. In a strange irony, I had to nearly become my father to understand him and ultimately forgive him, which I finally did just a few years ago.

Even though I've forgiven him, I'm still not over him or beyond the fuck ups he filled me with. For a long time, I was convinced he wasn't dead and was just waiting to come back in my life only to fuck it all up. Something he would have done for the pure joy of it. However, as usual, Mom was right. He's have never stayed quiet this long. And for a time, men who looked like him would appear in my life and I would freeze with the fear the he was back. To this day, certain sounds and smells remind me of him. Once in a very great while, someone will cross my path who looks like him, but I don't freeze anymore. I just keep walking.
I wonder what he would think of me, the person I am now. As a gay man, a Pagan and a social liberal. But then I realize that I wouldn't give a damn. I have grown to be what he couldn't and that is enough for me to grow even further and move beyond his trappings and the trappings of his family.

Even with all my growth and wisdom I've gained from it, I still don't celebrate Father's Day. Once, for a short period of time, he was my Dad and I remember those few days fondly. But the dark clouds of the Hell he brought down and the turmoil and fights overshadow those days too much. Pain is easier to remember than happiness, unfortunately. To me, he's just my father, the guy who helped make me. It's harsh, I know, but it's my truth from the life I've lived.
In that truth and experience, my step-father got so much slag from me. Butting heads was common, still is to a point. I don't think he ever tried to understand the situation he came into, at the time. Now is different. Moving out helped us to at least have a truce and understanding of sorts. But I don't think I could ever see his place in my life as "Dad", I don't think I have the ability to give anyone that chance. My father distorted and destroyed that particular niche of my life. So, my step-father is only that, a step-father. Or just Tim, my Mom's husband. I do wish him a happy Father's Day out of respect, but even to me it feels hallow saying "Happy Father's Day" to him or anyone.

I hope my father has found peace in The Afterlife, I'm still looking for mine. But I've got enough for the moment to help me while I look. And yet I don't miss him, you'd figure I would at some point. It's strange that almost 20 years after his death, I still don't care. Not in a bad way anymore, but more neutral.

I wonder how long that will last...

Я в глупое настроение. Так что, да, наслаждайтесь!/Ich bin in einer dummen Laune. Also, ja, viel Spaß!/मैं एक मूर्खतापूर्ण मूड में हूँ. तो, हाँ, मजा!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

Вот ламы
Там в ламы
И еще один небольшой ламы
Нечеткие ламы
Смешные ламы
Лама Ламы утка

лама Ламы
Чизкейк ламы
Таблетки, бруска, картофель, ламы
Лама Ламы грибов ламы
Лама Ламы утка

Я был когда-то дом на дереве
Я жил в торт
Но я никогда не видел, как
Оранжевый заклал грабли
Мне было всего три года мертвым
Но он рассказал историю
А теперь слушай маленький ребенок
Для безопасности на железнодорожном транспорте

Вы когда-нибудь видели ламу
Поцелуй ламы
На ламы
Ламы ламы
Вкусы ламы
Лама Ламы утка

Половина ламы
Дважды ламы
Не ламы
Фермер ламы
Лама в автомобиле
Тревога ламы
Лама утка

Это то, как сказал его сейчас
Это ох как старые
Это сделано лимонного сока
Дверная ручка, лодыжка, холодные
Теперь моя песня становится тонким
Я бежал не повезло
Время для меня уйти в отставку сейчас
И стать уткой


 http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

Hier ist ein Lama
Es gibt ein Lama
Und noch ein kleines Lama
Fuzzy Llama
Lustiges Lama
Llama Llama Ente

Lama Lama
Cheesecake Lama
Tablet-, Ziegel-, Kartoffel-, Lama
Lama Lama Lama Pilz
Lama Lama Ente

Ich war einmal ein Baumhaus
Ich lebte in einem Kuchen
Aber ich habe nie gesehen, wie
Die orange slayed die Harke
Ich war nur drei Jahre tot
Aber es erzählt eine Geschichte
Und jetzt hören kleines Kind
Um die Sicherheit Schiene

Hast du jemals ein Lama
Kuss ein Lama
Auf dem Lama
Lamas Lama
Schmeckt Lama
Lama Lama Ente

Ein halbes Lama
Zweimal ein Lama
Nicht ein Lama
Farmer Lama
Llama in einem Auto
Alarm ein Lama
Llama Ente

Ist das, wie gesagt, jetzt seine
Ist es oh so alt
Ist es aus Zitronensaft
Türklinke, Knöchel, kalt
Jetzt mein Lied wird immer dünner
Ich habe kein Glück laufen
Zeit für mich jetzt zurückziehen
Und eine Ente geworden


 http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

यहाँ एक लामा है
एक लामा नहीं है
और एक और थोड़ा लामा
फजी लामा
मजेदार लामा
लामा लामा बतख

लामा लामा
चीज़केक लामा
गोली, ईंट, आलू, लामा
लामा लामा मशरूम लामा
लामा लामा बतख

मैं एक बार एक पेड़ के घर गया था
मैं एक केक में रहते थे
लेकिन मैं जिस तरह से कभी नहीं देखा
नारंगी रेक slayed
मैं केवल तीन साल मर गया था
लेकिन यह एक कहानी बताया
और अब छोटे बच्चे सुनना
सुरक्षा रेल करने के लिए

क्या तुमने कभी एक लामा देखा
एक लामा को चूमो
लामा पर
लामा के लामा
लामा का स्वाद
लामा लामा बतख

आधा लामा
दो बार एक लामा
नहीं एक लामा
किसान लामा
एक कार में लामा
एक लामा अलार्म
लामा बतख

इसकी अब कैसे बताया जाता है कि
यह ओह इतना पुराना है
यह नींबू के रस से बना है
दरवाज़े, टखने, ठंड
अब मेरे गीत पतली हो रही है
मैं भाग्य से बाहर चला गया है
मुझे अब रिटायर करने के लिए समय
और एक बतख बन

I'm in a silly mood. So, yeah, enjoy!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy Llama
Funny Llama
Llama Llama duck

Llama llama
Cheesecake llama
Tablet, brick, potato, llama
Llama llama mushroom llama
Llama llama duck

I was once a tree house
I lived in a cake
But i never saw the way
The orange slayed the rake
I was only three years dead
But it told a tale
And now listen little child
To the safety rail

Did you ever see a llama
Kiss a llama
On the llama
Llama's llama
Tastes of llama
Llama llama duck

Half a llama
Twice a llama
Not a llama
Farmer llama
Llama in a car
Alarm a llama
Llama duck

Is that how its told now
Is it oh so old
Is it made of lemon juice
Doorknob, ankle, cold
Now my song is getting thin
I've run out of luck
Time for me to retire now
And become a duck