OK. So there's this anonymous person who's authoring the most informative comments on recent blog posts of mine. At first, I thought that they had nothing to do with my blog. Not so much anymore. I think that whoever is posting these comments are trying to get points across to me about how they see me. It's cool.
Angst? I can give you that one. If you worked in the dehumanizing environment I did, you'd be full of angst too. And I know most jobs come across as that or that's how we see them, I do. However, trust me when I say that where I work takes the cake and gold star in dehumanizing their employees.
Autistic? Part of me wants to throw out a fuck you, but I won't. I feel that this one was thrown around in the same manner as people throw around "retard" or "retarded". However, that doesn't mean that it intentionally was. So I'll give you a free pass.
I will say that there's the possibility I could be autistic. Autism is a spectrum of "disorders", so ADD and ADHD could easily fall under it. I bring that up because my Hubby has ADD, so does that make him autistic? May explain some thing if it was true. Or that person we all know who sits in front of the computer with all their free time doing nothing with their life but playing an MMORPG? World of Warcraft and Everquest come to mind. I know a few folks like this, but most of them don't come across as autistic, just Gamers. There are exceptions. I'm sure some shrink would label that lifestyle as a symptom of Asperger's. I'm willing to bet a vast majority of people could fall under the spectrum of autism, considering that our 'society' is so focused and obsessed with labels and 'disorders'.
However, until I am officially checked out by a 'professional', I'll just take these comments under advisement and as a form of entertaining education on things I didn't know about. So keep 'em coming Anonymous, this is fun! However, I sure do wish that you'd leave your name so I can thank you properly. It's only fair, polite and respectful. Though, if you don't, I'm cool with that too. Haven't had a stalker in a while. I do enjoy the attention. Smooches!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A good-bye, maybe...
As I sit home this fine, hot Saturday evening, I realize that I'm bored out of my head. Not a bad bored, but a restless bored. But then, it seems I'm just not worthy of consideration by some people. Not that I need people to have fun. But an idea or something that I haven't considered is nice to have, that's why I look forward to being around those I call 'friend'.
Friend. That's a bitter word for me right now. I have those I still consider 'friend' but I'm really starting to doubt that they still consider me that. I want people, friends, who want to see me, to call me because they can. But I think that it's at the point that the only way I get contacted is because they feel that they need to because I say something about it, such as here. If that's the case, save yourself the minutes and battery power.
I'm not innocent and never say that I am. I'm to blame for lack of communications, but that's been established a few posts ago. I've gotten what I need sorted out all sorts of sorted. However, why is it that the calls and texts slowly trickled to nothing? Did I do or say something? Was it something I did? How the fuck am I supposed to know if communication has died?
But it doesn't matter. Maybe it really is time to move on to new people. I wish it wasn't and I hope it isn't. These people are such a lifeline for me, or they have been. I just don't know anymore. Maybe they made a choice for me that I wasn't willing to make myself. Maybe they've had enough, for whatever reason, of The Hubby and cut us both off since I wouldn't pick them over him. If that's the case, then I never needed them in my life to begin with. If you can't accept the man I've made a deep commitment with, not a few week fling, then fuck you.
Don't call me because you read this and feel that now you have to because I've said something. Don't call me out of concern all the sudden either, that'll just piss me off. I'm so used to no calls or not calling when you've said you would. I'm used to being brushed aside at this point.
So now I'm just going to sort out my life more than I thought I would. I'm sorry I'm not cool or worthy or a consideration anymore. I'll just hang with the others who've been treated the same. I don't need to mention names, I'm sure you know who they are.
Friend. That's a bitter word for me right now. I have those I still consider 'friend' but I'm really starting to doubt that they still consider me that. I want people, friends, who want to see me, to call me because they can. But I think that it's at the point that the only way I get contacted is because they feel that they need to because I say something about it, such as here. If that's the case, save yourself the minutes and battery power.
I'm not innocent and never say that I am. I'm to blame for lack of communications, but that's been established a few posts ago. I've gotten what I need sorted out all sorts of sorted. However, why is it that the calls and texts slowly trickled to nothing? Did I do or say something? Was it something I did? How the fuck am I supposed to know if communication has died?
But it doesn't matter. Maybe it really is time to move on to new people. I wish it wasn't and I hope it isn't. These people are such a lifeline for me, or they have been. I just don't know anymore. Maybe they made a choice for me that I wasn't willing to make myself. Maybe they've had enough, for whatever reason, of The Hubby and cut us both off since I wouldn't pick them over him. If that's the case, then I never needed them in my life to begin with. If you can't accept the man I've made a deep commitment with, not a few week fling, then fuck you.
Don't call me because you read this and feel that now you have to because I've said something. Don't call me out of concern all the sudden either, that'll just piss me off. I'm so used to no calls or not calling when you've said you would. I'm used to being brushed aside at this point.
So now I'm just going to sort out my life more than I thought I would. I'm sorry I'm not cool or worthy or a consideration anymore. I'll just hang with the others who've been treated the same. I don't need to mention names, I'm sure you know who they are.
Comment on comments
I'd like to say that the one thing that really pisses me off about people leaving comments is the ability to do so anonymously. Frankly, that's a cowards way out. If you're not on Blogger, then if you wanna leave a comment, leave your name. I don't care if it's good or bad, I'd just like to know who likes me or hates me.
I will say that I may not allow it to be posted, since I review them all. Like this one I just got saying a basic good-bye and hoping we never cross paths again and that I get to keep the 'retard'. What the fuck?! That last word, retard, that is why I didn't allow it to go up. I don't know who your cowardly ass was referring to, but I hope it wasn't who I think it is. Also, my dear Uncle Ricky, who died almost four years ago, was mentally "retarded". I do not take kindly to that word being used to describe anyone or anything as either stupid or useless. If that's the language you want to use, so be it. However, I don't have to support it or allow it on my blog. And it speaks volumes about you, you fucking shitfuckcunt!
I will say that I may not allow it to be posted, since I review them all. Like this one I just got saying a basic good-bye and hoping we never cross paths again and that I get to keep the 'retard'. What the fuck?! That last word, retard, that is why I didn't allow it to go up. I don't know who your cowardly ass was referring to, but I hope it wasn't who I think it is. Also, my dear Uncle Ricky, who died almost four years ago, was mentally "retarded". I do not take kindly to that word being used to describe anyone or anything as either stupid or useless. If that's the language you want to use, so be it. However, I don't have to support it or allow it on my blog. And it speaks volumes about you, you fucking shitfuckcunt!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
After effect
Ya know something? Ranting is a wonderful thing. What sucks about it, for me anyway, is that once I get it all out, I feel shitty. There's space there for depression to kick in. Guess it's the balance working itself out. Still though, it sucks.
I feel better and justified once I rant, or have a really good blog that makes a point. But then I get depressed for a few days. I don't mind it, I'm used to it. I just would like to not feel bad once I'm done. However, getting all that anger and stress out is worth it.
Now, once The Hubby and I get groceries done with, we're gonna go to a local Sculpture Park and I'm gonna pound out my depression on the trail there that goes back into the woods. If that doesn't work, there's a nice 2-3 mile trail around a lake not too far from there. It'll take me about an hour or two, but I'm sure I can fully pound out my depression.
I'd fuck it out, but having a cold sore on the inside of your mouth suck major ass! Love my man, wanna fuck til our brains fall out, but I ain't giving him genital herpes. So a walking I will go.
...damn herpes...
I feel better and justified once I rant, or have a really good blog that makes a point. But then I get depressed for a few days. I don't mind it, I'm used to it. I just would like to not feel bad once I'm done. However, getting all that anger and stress out is worth it.
Now, once The Hubby and I get groceries done with, we're gonna go to a local Sculpture Park and I'm gonna pound out my depression on the trail there that goes back into the woods. If that doesn't work, there's a nice 2-3 mile trail around a lake not too far from there. It'll take me about an hour or two, but I'm sure I can fully pound out my depression.
I'd fuck it out, but having a cold sore on the inside of your mouth suck major ass! Love my man, wanna fuck til our brains fall out, but I ain't giving him genital herpes. So a walking I will go.
...damn herpes...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Fuck you
OK, this one's been building. It started as just directionless stress and pisstivity, but then I got something to focus it on and then the valves turned and opened.
I can't fucking stand stupid little shitfuckcunts who act as if they are better than you. I got this friend who is of the opinion that my blog is bullshit. Plain and simple. That this is some lie or falsehood that I put out to make people think something is true when it isn't. Fuck that. I've always said that my blog postings are my way to vent out what builds up. This is a fucking place for me to let go, no limits or restraints. No holding back. This is the best form of therapy. It's cathartic. It's my Temple, in a way. A place for me to balance out the shitty and the good.
Guess some folks just can't handle that.
I had posted on Facebook that I wanted to rant on here, but had no inspiration. So, this friend takes this to mean that this is all bullshit. Really? Like you've never been mad, but had nothing to focus it on just to get it out? Yeah, cuz you're somehow fucking perfect like that. Fuck you!
I can't stand when people have to have this opinion of themselves that they are somehow better than someone and that they are always right because of it. I know for a fucking fact that I'm not better than anyone. Sure, I consider myself more evolved, but not better. I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. The difference is that I know it, acknowledge it and say it out loud for people to hear it. Or read it in this case.
And this friend has this opinion that she's better, in some way or another, and that she's always right about it. When in reality, she's no better than the people she looks down at. Hell, most times, she's worse. She's the ultimate hoosier, but I don't think she sees it that way. She acts like a wild woman at times but then can turn around and talk shit about someone because of a fault of theirs.
You think this is fake and bullshit? Fine. Fuck you. I think you think too highly of yourself and should be brought down a few levels. Til then, kiss my ass and fuck off.
I gotta get some more shit out. You knew it was gonna happen.
So, today I posted on my Facebook wall: "...has come to the conclusion I'm no longer wanted. Not by my Hubby, but by others in my life, friends and those I'm cool with. I'm cool with that. Just gotta find new people is all. Taking time away to get my own backyard in order backfired it seems. Guess people forget you after a while."
I've kinda became a hermit due to the fact that I had shit to take care of. A lot of personal stuff to sort out and get myself and my life in order. Yeah, not happy about it but it needed to get done. In that time, I haven't seen my friends all that much. It sucks. But still, it had to be done.
So now, I'm wanting to get out more, so I don't get into a lifestyle of being a hermit. Don't like sitting around not doing anything. Never have. But in all the time I've been in Hermit Mode, I've still stayed in contact with people. However, the reverse isn't always true. And here today on Facebook, I see friends planning stuff and I'm not called. So I got pissed, felt hurt and felt slightly depressed.
I get friends will do stuff that doesn't include everyone. That's how it works. But for some reason, I just felt like nothing to these people. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been absent a lot. Who knows? But I still felt ignored. I'd like to think that's valid.
Here's the thing. Even a call to see if I can make it is nice and, in my opinion, respectful. I admit I have a real bad habit of not calling people or calling them back. But there's e-mail and Facebook. E-mail is a sticking point for me cuz some friends seem to have this habit of sending out ideas for stuff to do on the day they want to do it. I don't check my e-mail at work since I don't have access to the net or my own computer to use. When I end up getting home, it's too late. This usually happens on Friday's. There's no prior notice or even a text on my phone to give me an alternative heads up. So more times than not, how can I go out? If I don't think there's plans, I'll make my own with someone else or The Hubby. Can you really blame me?
So I've been a hermit. How does that equate to me becoming ignored? Well, if that's the case, I guess it's time to find new people. Sorry I'm not there every weekend. Sorry I'm not available all the time. And I'm sorry that no one can seem to contact The Hubby when plans are coming together.
That's another thing.
My friends don't seem too thrilled about my man. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of people always coming down on him and then wondering why he doesn't come around.
Sure, I got issues with people that friends date, but if they are happy with them, so be it. I have to live with it and make the best of it. There are times that you have to step in and make your opinion known. It happens. Otherwise, deal with it.
I'm sorry you don't like, or can't stand, the person I want to be with. He makes me happy and fulfills me in a way no one else has. He's annoying at times. He can push my buttons. But he is the ONLY one who can make me laugh at ANY time. No matter my mood. I value that like nothing else. I love him and have worked for 10 years to have a stable, happy and loving relationship with him. It's been rough, hard and tiresome. But we've done it. I look forward to going to bed with him and waking up in the morning and seeing him.
Ten fucking years together! That's longer than most celeBRATies relationships...or careers. And there are times I don't think that my friends respect that. That what we have isn't worth their respect due to their feelings toward my man. Sorry he annoys you and that he bothers you or does something you don't like. Fucking grow a backbone and deal with it! Stand the hell up and talk to him about it instead of coming to me about it and expecting me to deal with it all the fucking time!!!
Ya know, this job in Rochester looks better and better. New place, new friends. Maybe they won't be a bunch of cuntass bitchy fuckin' assholes. If you haven't noticed, I'm sick of it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting called anymore. Or why I don't call or come around as much. Yeah, had my shit to get together, but there may be other motivations under the surface.
I can't do this anymore. If you have issues with The Hubby, call him. I know you got his number. Stand up, deal with it. Or stay seated and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Either way, the ball is in your court. It's all on you to do something. If you don't, then it's apparent that you enjoy the stress/drama of the situation.
I'm fucking done with the stupid shit. I'm done with people. I'm done with shitfuckcunts who wear masks all the time. I'm done trying to figure out what it is I did (blame my Mom for that one). I'm done being a doormat or that idiot loser who waits by the phone. I'm just fucking done with it all.
Stand up, speak out/up and do something about it. Or just stay fucking seated, shut the fucking hell up and learn to either deal with it or move the hell out of my life. I'm not going to have my relationship strained or damaged because you are too weak willed or non-confrontational. If my relationship is going to be damaged in any way, then I'm the one who's gonna be doing the fucking damage!
Fucking shitfuckcunt assholes. I'm sick of this bullshit stress...
I can't fucking stand stupid little shitfuckcunts who act as if they are better than you. I got this friend who is of the opinion that my blog is bullshit. Plain and simple. That this is some lie or falsehood that I put out to make people think something is true when it isn't. Fuck that. I've always said that my blog postings are my way to vent out what builds up. This is a fucking place for me to let go, no limits or restraints. No holding back. This is the best form of therapy. It's cathartic. It's my Temple, in a way. A place for me to balance out the shitty and the good.
Guess some folks just can't handle that.
I had posted on Facebook that I wanted to rant on here, but had no inspiration. So, this friend takes this to mean that this is all bullshit. Really? Like you've never been mad, but had nothing to focus it on just to get it out? Yeah, cuz you're somehow fucking perfect like that. Fuck you!
I can't stand when people have to have this opinion of themselves that they are somehow better than someone and that they are always right because of it. I know for a fucking fact that I'm not better than anyone. Sure, I consider myself more evolved, but not better. I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. The difference is that I know it, acknowledge it and say it out loud for people to hear it. Or read it in this case.
And this friend has this opinion that she's better, in some way or another, and that she's always right about it. When in reality, she's no better than the people she looks down at. Hell, most times, she's worse. She's the ultimate hoosier, but I don't think she sees it that way. She acts like a wild woman at times but then can turn around and talk shit about someone because of a fault of theirs.
You think this is fake and bullshit? Fine. Fuck you. I think you think too highly of yourself and should be brought down a few levels. Til then, kiss my ass and fuck off.
I gotta get some more shit out. You knew it was gonna happen.
So, today I posted on my Facebook wall: "...has come to the conclusion I'm no longer wanted. Not by my Hubby, but by others in my life, friends and those I'm cool with. I'm cool with that. Just gotta find new people is all. Taking time away to get my own backyard in order backfired it seems. Guess people forget you after a while."
I've kinda became a hermit due to the fact that I had shit to take care of. A lot of personal stuff to sort out and get myself and my life in order. Yeah, not happy about it but it needed to get done. In that time, I haven't seen my friends all that much. It sucks. But still, it had to be done.
So now, I'm wanting to get out more, so I don't get into a lifestyle of being a hermit. Don't like sitting around not doing anything. Never have. But in all the time I've been in Hermit Mode, I've still stayed in contact with people. However, the reverse isn't always true. And here today on Facebook, I see friends planning stuff and I'm not called. So I got pissed, felt hurt and felt slightly depressed.
I get friends will do stuff that doesn't include everyone. That's how it works. But for some reason, I just felt like nothing to these people. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been absent a lot. Who knows? But I still felt ignored. I'd like to think that's valid.
Here's the thing. Even a call to see if I can make it is nice and, in my opinion, respectful. I admit I have a real bad habit of not calling people or calling them back. But there's e-mail and Facebook. E-mail is a sticking point for me cuz some friends seem to have this habit of sending out ideas for stuff to do on the day they want to do it. I don't check my e-mail at work since I don't have access to the net or my own computer to use. When I end up getting home, it's too late. This usually happens on Friday's. There's no prior notice or even a text on my phone to give me an alternative heads up. So more times than not, how can I go out? If I don't think there's plans, I'll make my own with someone else or The Hubby. Can you really blame me?
So I've been a hermit. How does that equate to me becoming ignored? Well, if that's the case, I guess it's time to find new people. Sorry I'm not there every weekend. Sorry I'm not available all the time. And I'm sorry that no one can seem to contact The Hubby when plans are coming together.
That's another thing.
My friends don't seem too thrilled about my man. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of people always coming down on him and then wondering why he doesn't come around.
Sure, I got issues with people that friends date, but if they are happy with them, so be it. I have to live with it and make the best of it. There are times that you have to step in and make your opinion known. It happens. Otherwise, deal with it.
I'm sorry you don't like, or can't stand, the person I want to be with. He makes me happy and fulfills me in a way no one else has. He's annoying at times. He can push my buttons. But he is the ONLY one who can make me laugh at ANY time. No matter my mood. I value that like nothing else. I love him and have worked for 10 years to have a stable, happy and loving relationship with him. It's been rough, hard and tiresome. But we've done it. I look forward to going to bed with him and waking up in the morning and seeing him.
Ten fucking years together! That's longer than most celeBRATies relationships...or careers. And there are times I don't think that my friends respect that. That what we have isn't worth their respect due to their feelings toward my man. Sorry he annoys you and that he bothers you or does something you don't like. Fucking grow a backbone and deal with it! Stand the hell up and talk to him about it instead of coming to me about it and expecting me to deal with it all the fucking time!!!
Ya know, this job in Rochester looks better and better. New place, new friends. Maybe they won't be a bunch of cuntass bitchy fuckin' assholes. If you haven't noticed, I'm sick of it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting called anymore. Or why I don't call or come around as much. Yeah, had my shit to get together, but there may be other motivations under the surface.
I can't do this anymore. If you have issues with The Hubby, call him. I know you got his number. Stand up, deal with it. Or stay seated and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Either way, the ball is in your court. It's all on you to do something. If you don't, then it's apparent that you enjoy the stress/drama of the situation.
I'm fucking done with the stupid shit. I'm done with people. I'm done with shitfuckcunts who wear masks all the time. I'm done trying to figure out what it is I did (blame my Mom for that one). I'm done being a doormat or that idiot loser who waits by the phone. I'm just fucking done with it all.
Stand up, speak out/up and do something about it. Or just stay fucking seated, shut the fucking hell up and learn to either deal with it or move the hell out of my life. I'm not going to have my relationship strained or damaged because you are too weak willed or non-confrontational. If my relationship is going to be damaged in any way, then I'm the one who's gonna be doing the fucking damage!
Fucking shitfuckcunt assholes. I'm sick of this bullshit stress...
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