Comment on comments

I'd like to say that the one thing that really pisses me off about people leaving comments is the ability to do so anonymously. Frankly, that's a cowards way out. If you're not on Blogger, then if you wanna leave a comment, leave your name. I don't care if it's good or bad, I'd just like to know who likes me or hates me.
I will say that I may not allow it to be posted, since I review them all. Like this one I just got saying a basic good-bye and hoping we never cross paths again and that I get to keep the 'retard'. What the fuck?! That last word, retard, that is why I didn't allow it to go up. I don't know who your cowardly ass was referring to, but I hope it wasn't who I think it is. Also, my dear Uncle Ricky, who died almost four years ago, was mentally "retarded". I do not take kindly to that word being used to describe anyone or anything as either stupid or useless. If that's the language you want to use, so be it. However, I don't have to support it or allow it on my blog. And it speaks volumes about you, you fucking shitfuckcunt!

After effect

Ya know something? Ranting is a wonderful thing. What sucks about it, for me anyway, is that once I get it all out, I feel shitty. There's space there for depression to kick in. Guess it's the balance working itself out. Still though, it sucks.

I feel better and justified once I rant, or have a really good blog that makes a point. But then I get depressed for a few days. I don't mind it, I'm used to it. I just would like to not feel bad once I'm done. However, getting all that anger and stress out is worth it.

Now, once The Hubby and I get groceries done with, we're gonna go to a local Sculpture Park and I'm gonna pound out my depression on the trail there that goes back into the woods. If that doesn't work, there's a nice 2-3 mile trail around a lake not too far from there. It'll take me about an hour or two, but I'm sure I can fully pound out my depression.

I'd fuck it out, but having a cold sore on the inside of your mouth suck major ass! Love my man, wanna fuck til our brains fall out, but I ain't giving him genital herpes. So a walking I will go.

...damn herpes...

Fuck you

OK, this one's been building. It started as just directionless stress and pisstivity, but then I got something to focus it on and then the valves turned and opened.

I can't fucking stand stupid little shitfuckcunts who act as if they are better than you. I got this friend who is of the opinion that my blog is bullshit. Plain and simple. That this is some lie or falsehood that I put out to make people think something is true when it isn't. Fuck that. I've always said that my blog postings are my way to vent out what builds up. This is a fucking place for me to let go, no limits or restraints. No holding back. This is the best form of therapy. It's cathartic. It's my Temple, in a way. A place for me to balance out the shitty and the good.

Guess some folks just can't handle that.

I had posted on Facebook that I wanted to rant on here, but had no inspiration. So, this friend takes this to mean that this is all bullshit. Really? Like you've never been mad, but had nothing to focus it on just to get it out? Yeah, cuz you're somehow fucking perfect like that. Fuck you!

I can't stand when people have to have this opinion of themselves that they are somehow better than someone and that they are always right because of it. I know for a fucking fact that I'm not better than anyone. Sure, I consider myself more evolved, but not better. I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. The difference is that I know it, acknowledge it and say it out loud for people to hear it. Or read it in this case.

And this friend has this opinion that she's better, in some way or another, and that she's always right about it. When in reality, she's no better than the people she looks down at. Hell, most times, she's worse. She's the ultimate hoosier, but I don't think she sees it that way. She acts like a wild woman at times but then can turn around and talk shit about someone because of a fault of theirs.

You think this is fake and bullshit? Fine. Fuck you. I think you think too highly of yourself and should be brought down a few levels. Til then, kiss my ass and fuck off.

I gotta get some more shit out. You knew it was gonna happen.

So, today I posted on my Facebook wall: "...has come to the conclusion I'm no longer wanted. Not by my Hubby, but by others in my life, friends and those I'm cool with. I'm cool with that. Just gotta find new people is all. Taking time away to get my own backyard in order backfired it seems. Guess people forget you after a while."

I've kinda became a hermit due to the fact that I had shit to take care of. A lot of personal stuff to sort out and get myself and my life in order. Yeah, not happy about it but it needed to get done. In that time, I haven't seen my friends all that much. It sucks. But still, it had to be done.

So now, I'm wanting to get out more, so I don't get into a lifestyle of being a hermit. Don't like sitting around not doing anything. Never have. But in all the time I've been in Hermit Mode, I've still stayed in contact with people. However, the reverse isn't always true. And here today on Facebook, I see friends planning stuff and I'm not called. So I got pissed, felt hurt and felt slightly depressed.

I get friends will do stuff that doesn't include everyone. That's how it works. But for some reason, I just felt like nothing to these people. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been absent a lot. Who knows? But I still felt ignored. I'd like to think that's valid.

Here's the thing. Even a call to see if I can make it is nice and, in my opinion, respectful. I admit I have a real bad habit of not calling people or calling them back. But there's e-mail and Facebook. E-mail is a sticking point for me cuz some friends seem to have this habit of sending out ideas for stuff to do on the day they want to do it. I don't check my e-mail at work since I don't have access to the net or my own computer to use. When I end up getting home, it's too late. This usually happens on Friday's. There's no prior notice or even a text on my phone to give me an alternative heads up. So more times than not, how can I go out? If I don't think there's plans, I'll make my own with someone else or The Hubby. Can you really blame me?

So I've been a hermit. How does that equate to me becoming ignored? Well, if that's the case, I guess it's time to find new people. Sorry I'm not there every weekend. Sorry I'm not available all the time. And I'm sorry that no one can seem to contact The Hubby when plans are coming together.

That's another thing.

My friends don't seem too thrilled about my man. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of people always coming down on him and then wondering why he doesn't come around.

Sure, I got issues with people that friends date, but if they are happy with them, so be it. I have to live with it and make the best of it. There are times that you have to step in and make your opinion known. It happens. Otherwise, deal with it.

I'm sorry you don't like, or can't stand, the person I want to be with. He makes me happy and fulfills me in a way no one else has. He's annoying at times. He can push my buttons. But he is the ONLY one who can make me laugh at ANY time. No matter my mood. I value that like nothing else. I love him and have worked for 10 years to have a stable, happy and loving relationship with him. It's been rough, hard and tiresome. But we've done it. I look forward to going to bed with him and waking up in the morning and seeing him.

Ten fucking years together! That's longer than most celeBRATies relationships...or careers. And there are times I don't think that my friends respect that. That what we have isn't worth their respect due to their feelings toward my man. Sorry he annoys you and that he bothers you or does something you don't like. Fucking grow a backbone and deal with it! Stand the hell up and talk to him about it instead of coming to me about it and expecting me to deal with it all the fucking time!!!

Ya know, this job in Rochester looks better and better. New place, new friends. Maybe they won't be a bunch of cuntass bitchy fuckin' assholes. If you haven't noticed, I'm sick of it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting called anymore. Or why I don't call or come around as much. Yeah, had my shit to get together, but there may be other motivations under the surface.

I can't do this anymore. If you have issues with The Hubby, call him. I know you got his number. Stand up, deal with it. Or stay seated and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Either way, the ball is in your court. It's all on you to do something. If you don't, then it's apparent that you enjoy the stress/drama of the situation.

I'm fucking done with the stupid shit. I'm done with people. I'm done with shitfuckcunts who wear masks all the time. I'm done trying to figure out what it is I did (blame my Mom for that one). I'm done being a doormat or that idiot loser who waits by the phone. I'm just fucking done with it all.

Stand up, speak out/up and do something about it. Or just stay fucking seated, shut the fucking hell up and learn to either deal with it or move the hell out of my life. I'm not going to have my relationship strained or damaged because you are too weak willed or non-confrontational. If my relationship is going to be damaged in any way, then I'm the one who's gonna be doing the fucking damage!

Fucking shitfuckcunt assholes. I'm sick of this bullshit stress...

It's coming

I've got a fucking rant building. Be ready you cunts, I'm close.

...it's just like sex...

Change of mind...

So, as you all know, I'm in the position of collaring someone I've been chasing after for 2 years. Well a friend, who's a Dom Transman, gave me his two cents. What he had to say put some doubt in my mind, and it seems a healthy amount. No doubt can be dangerous. And I will say that I won't list those on here, nor all the details of this collaring business. I may be a lot of things, but to just blatantly throw out personal shit on someone isn't one of them...unless they are my enemy, then it's a no rules game of war.

Evil cunt, I know.

Well, with this new sense of doubt, I asked another friend, a Dom Lesbian, to give me her blunt opinion. And she voiced a similar concern. She also voiced a moral one based on our Pagan beliefs and I found that I can't argue with that, considering the finer details of all this. And as much as I discard morals and ethics in most cases, I can't in this one. My conscience won't let me.

That damn thing gets in the way sometimes.

But this isn't one of those times. And I can't go and have someone I want, who is basically offering themselves to me, and have this moral issue nagging at me. The Wiccan Rede states "Do as you will, yet harm none." And if I go through with this, there's too great a risk someone involved will be harmed. I can't allow that to happen. For what few/little morals and ethics I do have, I can't violate that tenant.

My feelings may be deep for this guy, but that can't blind me to do what is right. I don't love him, at least I don't think so. I have deep feelings, to be sure. But this isn't love, much as I'd like it to be. And I can't allow my wants and desires to hurt anyone.

So I can't collar him. And, Gods, I want to. But I can't. And it is so fucking weird. I finally have what I want in my hands, but now I have to let it go. I waited two years only to find that, in the end, my morals and ethics won't allow it to happen.

And as much as this hurts and as much as I want to cry, scream, throw and break something, it is the right thing to do. And at least I'll be at peace that I did what was right by me. And that matters most to me. It'll hurt. It'll take a minute to get over it. But it's right. I just wish that circumstances had turned out differently.